Idle Hands
by OveractiveImagination39
Summary: "Idle hands are the Devil's tools" could not be truer when referring to Szayelaporro Granz. The bored Espada needs some fun to spice up a rather dull week in Hueco Mundo - but who to taunt? Ulquiorra could be fun, with that woman now under his care…maybe something involving Grimmjow as well. The possibilities are endless. Cover image by Sideburn004.
1. Chapter 1

Happy (early) Birthday to my lovely beta **lilarin**!

I wanted to get her a gift, but being separated by an ocean, I decided it would be nice to create something for her instead. So at her request I have written a crack fic starring her favorite Grimmjow – of course Orihime and Ulquiorra are included in the mix!

This is not my usual style as I like to have everything make sense and be as realistic as possible. Needless to say there will be OOC moments, especially for Aizen, but hopefully enough humor and silliness to make it worth the read. So with no further ado – except to remind you that _**I do not own Bleach or any of its characters**_ – and to ask that you respond with a review so I know what you thought of the chapter - I present _Idle Hands_.

* * *

**Chapter One ~ **_**You're Not the Boss of Me**_

Szayel was bored. Aizen and all his rules made life so unbearably routine at times, which left the pink-haired scientist itching to spice things up. The arrival of the human girl held some possibilities, and honestly he had believed that simply watching the stoic Ulquiorra try to manage her daily care would be humorous enough. Yet even that had grown uninteresting rather quickly.

He needed a new way to antagonize Aizen's number one ass kisser, but how to do it? How to make Ulquiorra's job even more difficult? The girl was already challenging in and of herself. A defiant little bitch in fact and the Fourth hated defiance - almost as much as he hated dealing with Grimmjow or Nnoitra.

Now that held some possibility. A plan involving the two most hot-headed and violent Espada would be fun. Of course technically Nnoitra was his ally - as much as hollows could have allies. Yet they had worked together to dispose of Nelliel, and that had benefited Szayel as well, so it would be rude to pay the man back with some underhanded trick for his own amusement.

But Grimmjow…well he had used the Sixth already this month. And Grimmjow had inadvertently provided him with a plethora of information on the Shinigami that killed Yylfordt. Still messing with the hotheaded jerk was too fun to pass up. And honestly now that Nelliel was gone, he missed having a fixed target to annoy.

Amazing, that whole incident with Nelliel and her incompetent fraccion. Who would have ever thought that a simple crack in her mask would cause so much reiatsu to leak out of her body that she could no longer hold her adult form. The usually well-composed woman had become a handful of hyperactive energy that even her fraccion, as childish as they themselves were, could not keep up with.

It would be funny seeing Ulquiorra deal with that kind of situation. But the girl, for all her annoyances, was still old enough to maintain some semblance of order and thought. If only there was a way to change that.

He walked over to a table that contained many vials with different chemicals and other ingredients. If he could figure out some combination that would reverse the aging process and make the troublesome girl younger, without affecting her powers, it may be worth the risk. Of course the effects could only be temporary, and the dispensing of the drug would need to appear accidental.

Thinking back to Nelliel he reasoned that if the girl's body became unstable, too unstable to contain her reiatsu as well, then maybe she too would revert back to her younger self. The girl alone would be enough work for poor Ulquiorra, so maybe that would be enough pranking for now.

Excitedly he set about his task. Creating a potion was one thing. Administering it without Aizen placing the blame solely at his feet would be another story altogether.

* * *

Grimmjow stalked through the hallways of Las Noches. All this waiting was pissing him off. It had been a week since the girl had been brought here; a week since he had regained his left arm and had the pleasure of incinerating that jackass Luppi. Now he was restless. His desire to take down that punk Kurosaki was almost too much to contain, and he wished the shit would come to the rescue of the chick under Ulquiorra's care soon, before he did something rash to speed up the process.

Coming across the room that housed the woman he paused. He could mess with her for awhile. It would be like vicariously fucking with Kurosaki. He focused on Ulquiorra's reiatsu, and discovered that the uptight asshole was nowhere in the immediate vicinity. Still the fucker was fast, and he could be here in seconds if he noticed anything had been disrupted.

Placing his hand on the stone door, he gave it a push with his reiatsu. The heavy slab opened to reveal the woman standing in front of the only window in her prison cell. She gazed forlornly out into the endless night of Hueco Mundo, but at the sound of his approaching footsteps turned abruptly.

"Ulquiorra-san," she began in a rush but then stopped when she saw Grimmjow instead. "Oh Grimmjow-san…I thought you were Ulquiorra…"

"Tch," he laughed, "I'm way more fun than that son-of-a-bitch, and I bet you're probably bored off your ass."

Her face turned red and she shook it profusely, "No, no really Grimmjow-san, I am fine."

"You're lying," he walked closer to where she stood, "But unlike Aizen, I don't give a shit if you are happy or not."

She nodded and looked down nervously.

"Do you need me to do something for you?" she asked.

This brought an even greater laugh from him, "You should be careful of who you ask that question. Ulquiorra may be an asexual mutant, but others…Nnoitra for instance…that perverted freak would slam you against the wall and take your precious virginity before you could scream Kurosaki."

She lifted her head and met his eyes. "That's not what I meant."

"I know what you meant," he returned her stare with a glare, "But then I'm an astute guy."

She nodded once more and he resisted the urge to grab her head and hold it in place. The woman was so damn agreeable. It wasn't natural. Instead he turned away from her and something on the table caught his eye. Walking over to it he asked, "What's in the box?"

She hesitated and then began to walk over, coming to a stop beside him.

"I don't know. It was there when I came from my bath."

"And you didn't think to look inside?"

She shrugged her shoulders and said with embarrassment, "I thought I should wait and ask Ulquiorra-san if it was okay."

"Are you shitting me?" he turned sharply and stared at her. "Someone leaves you a box and you wait to ask your jailer for permission to peak inside. What if it was some way to assist you in escaping?"

"Like a file?"

He could only stare at her.

"You know," she smiled, "To saw through the bars…oh yeah," she giggled nervously, "I see…well maybe something else…"

"You won't know until you open it."

"I don't know," she put up her hands in protest. "Ulquiorra-san may get angry."

"More the reason to do it," he reached for the lid.

"No, wait."

He wasn't one to take orders from anyone beneath him, and this human was about as low as you could go. Grabbing the lid he yanked it off. Yet before he could get a good look inside a gaseous fumes escaped in a rush, and a foul smell burned his nostrils.

"Holy shit!" he dropped the lid and brought his hand to cover his nose.

"Oh that smells horrible," the woman's muffled voice exclaimed. One hand covered her nose as well as the other waved frantically in front of her face as she tried to dispense the smoke.

"I didn't think you had any friends that would send a real gift," he said as the smoke evaporated.

She looked down only to turn her head quickly at the sound of a familiar voice.

"Jaegerjaquez, why are you here with the woman?" Ulquiorra suddenly appeared at the door.

"I don't have to justify myself to you," he replied flippantly. He refused to kowtow to the tight ass. Still his head was beginning to swim and his stomach turned slightly. "I was leaving anyways."

He walked out the door and headed for his quarters. The walk grew increasingly more difficult as his eyes became heavy. Finally entering his room he barely made it to his bed before he passed out cold.

* * *

Ulquiorra stared at the woman. Grimmjow had left, and she remained where she was, firmly rooted in place. On the table was an empty box.

"What is this?"

"I don't know," she said, but her speech was slightly slurred. He looked at her suddenly alarmed. "It arrived while I was taking my bath, and then Grimmjow insisted I open it, and when I did a big puff of smelly stuff came out…"

She swayed on her feet and he stepped forward, his hand shooting out to steady her.

"I don't feel too good," she said as she closed her eyes momentarily.

"You still have to eat your evening meal," he stated but she had already turned away and was headed for the couch. Crawling onto it she grabbed the blanket at the end and rolled over, giving him her back,

He stared after her and then looked at the box on the table. Picking it up, he looked inside. It was empty. Whatever had been so noxious earlier was gone, and nothing now remained.

Was someone trying to harm her? Could Grimmjow be the culprit? No, that hothead would never do something so covert as poison. He would have simply sliced the woman in two the moment he decided she wasn't worth the effort anymore.

He walked over to where the woman lay now asleep on the couch. Her breathing was heavy, but her color was good. Maybe it was nothing more than a warning. Still, it bothered him that someone had gotten in here and placed it. That coupled with Grimmjow's appearance as well only meant Ulquiorra was not doing his duty to protect this woman until Aizen no longer had a use for her.

He sat down at the end of the couch by her feet. Better to remain until she woke up. He couldn't fail in such a simple task. It would be humiliating.

* * *

In the end Ulquiorra fell asleep as well and when he awoke the woman was still curled up in a tight ball beside him on the couch. He reached out and laid a hand on her back. Her breathing was still deep, but something felt wrong. Taking the blanket he pulled it back revealing her body – a body now swimming in a dress that was way to big for it.

What the hell?

He leaned over and peered closer. The woman had grown smaller, but that was impossible. Humans did not shrink. Turning her over, he gasped as he caught sight of her face. It was not the face of a young teen, but the face of a child that slumbered peacefully still.

"Impossible," he said softly, but his words were enough to cause her eyelids to flutter and open. Warm silver met his cold green, yet she smiled as she stretched her arms above her head.

"Good morning Ulquiorra-san."

The words had barely left her mouth before she clamped a hand over it and stared at him with a question in her gaze.

Lowering her hand slightly she said, "My voice sounds funny."

Her eyes caught sight of the chubby hand that had recently been over her mouth and she shrieked. Bolting upright she began to run her hands over her entire body, not mindful in the least of his company. Still unbelieving, she dashed from the couch to look in the mirror, but was thwarted in her efforts as she tripped over the now too long dress.

Rising again she dusted herself off and lifted the skirt. Carefully she made her way to the mirror and stared. Not a sound escaped her as she lifted her hand and touched its reflection.

"I don't understand," she whispered. "How can this be?"

He finally stood and came to stand behind her. His eyes met hers in the mirror and he spoke, "I assume that whatever noxious fumes you ingested yesterday when you foolishly opened that box, were actually a poison."

"Am I going to die?"

"Only if Aizen-sama desires it," he replied coolly.

She began to cry as she looked at her shrunken body. By human standards she couldn't be much older than six. Almost ten years difference from just a few hours earlier. It made no sense. Yet it spelled trouble for him. Aizen-sama had put him in charge of her and somehow someone had slipped by him and done this deed. If she was damaged he would be the one punished.

"I told Grimmjow-san that we should have left it alone, but he insisted on opening it, and now look at me."

Grimmjow. That idiot. He had opened the box. Maybe he was the one that put it there in the first place. Turning he made his way for the door, but then stopped as he felt a tugging on his hakama.

"Please don't go Ulquiorra-san," she continued to cry.

He stared at her and realized that in this form she would be even more vulnerable. Besides if Aizen-sama discovered what had happened before Ulquiorra had a chance to figure out who was responsible, he would be in serious trouble.

He knelt down beside her and grabbed the fabric of her oversized dress. Ripping it, he removed several feet of material from the bottom and then stood again.

"Now you should be able to walk without tripping."

He opened the door and began to make his way to the Sixth's quarters. The hallways were deserted and he could feel no significant reiatsu up ahead. Yet he hadn't gotten far when he heard the woman's, no the child's, voice call out to him.

"Please Ulquiorra-san, slow down."

He stopped and stared at her as she ran to keep up. Her face was red and her breathing coming in pants.

"You are even more annoying now," he said as she came to a stop beside him.

"My legs aren't that long anymore."

He stared a moment more and then sighed. The last thing he wanted was to be caught in the halls with a child that he couldn't explain. He reached down and gripped her under her arms and lifted her up so she rested on his hip.

"Hold on tightly," he instructed and then he resumed his pace, only this time much quicker.

By the time he got to Grimmjow' quarters he was fuming. It was just like the Sixth to try and make him look like a fool. Slamming the door open he stepped into the darkened room and looked around.

"Who the hell do you think you are…?"

The voice was tiny, almost as tiny as the child's in his arms and Ulquiorra groaned inwardly as he cursed his bad luck. It would appear that Grimmjow was not the perpetrator of the crime, but a victim as well.

"What the fuck?" Grimmjow jumped from his bed. His shirt hung past his waist, and his pants fell to the floor, now too big to remain on his hips.

"I can see his pee-pee," the girl spoke and then buried her face in Ulquiorra's chest.

Grimmjow glanced down at his shrunken form and caught sight of his even smaller member.

"Damn it to hell! What kind of shit is this?" he grabbed the tiny organ. "Is this your idea of some sick joke?"

"The reality that your physical body now mirrors your emotional age is rather fitting," Ulquiorra said calmly as he stepped closer, "But I am not one for such ridiculous stunts. It would serve no purpose."

"So then why are you even here?" Grimmjow crossed his arms over his chest, unembarrassed about his semi-nude state.

Ulquiorra glanced at the girl in his arms. "You did something to the woman, and I want her returned to her former self."

"Why the fuck would I make her a kid," the blue-haired child growled. "And why would I include myself in this stupid plan? I hate kids."

"Because you are an idiot who is known for acting on impulse without thought of the consequences."

Grimmjow kicked him hard in the shin, "Stupid head games and poison sounds more like Szayel, not me."

True, Ulquiorra realized. Why hadn't he thought of that first? His hands tightened around the girl he was in charge of. This was unacceptable. The idea that Szayel would do something so foolish, and that he, Ulquiorra would then be so rattled by the whole thing that he would jump to absurd conclusions, was embarrassing.

"I will kill him," Ulquiorra stated.

"Not if I get there first," Grimmjow replied.

"I suggest pants first," Ulquiorra looked at the half naked boy before him.

In his arms Orihime laughed.

"Shut up bitch!" Grimmjow reached for his pants and held the material around his waist to keep them from falling down again.

"Oh my, what have we here?"

Grimmjow looked to the door and Ulquiorra turned. Gin stood in the open entryway, a sly smile on his face.

"I wasn't aware that you were running a nanny service Ulquiorra," he teased.

"There is an issue," Ulquiorra began but Grimmjow rushed forward.

"That freak Granz did something to me and the woman…"

"I can see that," Gin looked from Grimmjow to the child in Ulquiorra's arms. "I do hope our princess can still utilize her powers, or Aizen may not look too kindly on this, Ulquiorra."

"Her powers?" Grimmjow stomped his feet angrily, "What about me?"

"Well it would be kind of hard to carry your zanpakuto while trying to hold up your pants, little man," Gin laughed.

"Fuck you," Grimmjow snarled.

"Well," Gin looked back to Ulquiorra, "I suppose we have no choice but to go to Aizen and see exactly what the true extent of the damage is."

Ulquiorra felt his stomach tighten. It was unacceptable that he had allowed Granz to pull such a stunt, and humiliating that Gin had discovered it before he had a chance to fix it. Still, if the girl was in fact damaged, none of those trivial things would matter. He would be disgraced, and worse, could face stiff consequences as a result.

* * *

"I must say this is a rather unexpected surprise," Aizen sat on his throne in the Fifth Tower. His hands resting under his chin as he peered at the two children standing in front of Ulquiorra. "How did this happen?"

"My apologies Aizen-sama," Ulquiorra bowed low, "While I was gathering the woman's evening meal, someone snuck into her room and placed a box containing a poison of some kind, and she and the Sixth ingested it when they opened the container."

"The results are odd to say the least," Aizen's voice was unreadable, but Grimmjow could tell the Shinigami found the whole thing amusing, which only served to make his already dark mood worse. "And you believe Szayel is behind this?"

"Who else would do something so fucking twisted," Grimmjow shouted before Ulquiorra could respond.

"You know, children should be seen and not heard," Granz spoke softly from the other side of Ulquiorra.

"How about I cut your tongue out so we don't have to listen to your crap you perverted shit," Grimmjow stepped forward and turned to glare at the pink-haired jerk.

"Oh my, such an unruly boy…" Granz teased and Grimmjow lunged for him only to be stopped by Ulquiorra's outstretched hand.

"I believe this type of mischief is definitely the workings of the Eighth," Ulquiorra spoke calmly.

"And what do you have to say for yourself, Szayel?" Aizen turned his stare to the Espada.

Granz stepped forward and spoke with mock humility, "Aizen-sama, I work on so many poisons and potions in my lab - all for your glory mind you – that it is a full time chore just to keep them cataloged and stored properly. If someone wanted to steal a potion and use it to throw a wrench in you plans, someone who has been known to disregard your orders and disagree with your decisions in the past…"

"Why would I use a potion to make myself into a kid," Grimmjow yelled.

"You are not the smartest in the bunch," Granz smiled condescendingly, "But then I wouldn't put it past you to include yourself to shift the focus of blame from yourself to someone else; someone like myself, who would never do anything to bring Aizen-sama's wrath."

"And making the woman into a child serves what purpose?" Aizen asked, ignoring the interaction between the two Espada.

"I suppose to diminish her power and make her of less value to you," Granz replied.

"I don't give a shit about the girl," Grimmjow said, "I just want Kurosaki."

Granz laughed, as did Orihime.

"What?" he turned to the girl and glared at her.

"You want Kurosaki-kun…do you want to marry him or just be his boyfriend," she burst out into a fit of giggles.

"Has she always been this annoying?" he looked at Ulquiorra.

The Fourth glanced at him and replied, "It would seem this change has affected her mentally. She is definitely acting more her physical age now."

"But I'm no different," Grimmjow remarked, "and I inhaled the same poison."

Everyone, including Aizen grew quiet, but Orihime laughed louder. He glared at her even harder, but she ignored him.

"Are you implying that I was childish to begin with?" he tried to step closer to her, but Ulquiorra once more held him back.

She continued to laugh, doubling over and holding her stomach.

"Stupid bitch," he muttered.

"If her mental age is diminished," Aizen interrupted, "Then I suppose her powers could be weakened as well."

"We could have Tosen cut off Grimmjow's arm again and see if she could restore it," Granz said sweetly.

"Shut the fuck up Granz," Grimmjow growled.

"Enough Grimmjow," Aizen finally acknowledged him. "The girl's powers are one thing, but I cannot have an Espada who is no longer strong enough to hold his rank."

"No way," Grimmjow turned towards Aizen, "I put up with that shit when I lost my arm, but I'm not going down again without a fight. I'll take Granz right now."

"It would be an unfair fight," Aizen began but he cut him off.

"Unfair for the Eighth," he stated. "I'm still strong enough to hold my position."

"You can't even carry your zanpakuto without assistance," Granz remarked snidely.

"The only reason Ulquiorra carried it was because I don't have clothes that fit properly because of you," Grimmjow grabbed Pantera from the Fourth, "But if you need proof of my power…"

He dropped his pants as he grabbed the blade with both hands. He could hear Orihime laughing again, but he ignored her. Instead he focused completely on his release, there way no way in hell he was gonna be stripped of his rank again.

"Grind Pantera," he ran his one hand over the blade. He felt the familiar power surge through him as his form changed. When it was complete he stood proudly facing the others.

"Ooh kitty," Orihime crooned and he turned to face her, teeth bared.

"I am a panther," he growled.

"You make a pretty kitty…"

As Granz laughed, and Gin snickered behind him he lunged for the girl. Ulquiorra quickly got between them, grabbing Grimmjow and placing him in a hold from behind. Now immobile he began to kick and scream.

_"Let me go you pale bastard!"_

"The boy really needs some discipline," Gin said to Aizen.

_"I'm gonna kill her…"_

"Ulquiorra seems to be doing a good job of it," Granz added.

_"And when I finish with her I'm gonna rip out Granz's throat…"_

"Ulquiorra does have a way with children," Gin teased.

"If he's already responsible for the girl, you may as well put Grimmjow under his care too," Granz prodded.

Ulquiorra stilled; his grip strong on Grimmjow.

"I do not believe it would be wise to let him around the girl," Ulquiorra tried to dissuade them.

"Oh please, Ulquiorra," Gin laughed, "Children need friends or they grow bored."

"If I release him he will kill her," Ulquiorra stated.

"Ulquiorra you are such a worrier," Granz laughed.

"Right now Grimmjow is more a menace than a help," Aizen spoke. "He is of no use to me like this."

"But I am still strong," Grimmjow pleaded. His struggling stopped.

"You are a child, and no Shinigami will engage you in battle," Aizen said, "Least of all Kurosaki."

"Then make Granz give me an antidote."

Aizen turned to Granz, "Is there such a thing?"

"I just perfected this potion," he admitted. "But then it was stolen…so it will take a while, but I am sure that I can come up with something."

Aizen nodded.

"Until then I leave both children in your charge Ulquiorra," Aizen looked at the Fourth, "After all it was your negligence that allowed the Sixth to create this situation."

"It's Granz's fault," Grimmjow protested. "Besides I don't need a nanny."

"I would beg to differ," Aizen said as his reiatsu surged just enough to cause Grimmjow to falter.

The sixth knew better than to argue further. Ulquiorra quietly accepted his fate as was to be expected for a kiss-ass like him. All Grimmjow knew was that Granz had better come up with a solution fast, or no restraints would keep him from killing the prick.

* * *

Szayel returned to his lab. The plan had gone off better than he could have hoped. Grimmjow stumbling into the mix was like the frosting on the cake. And it was obvious from Aizen's dismissal of the whole incident, that he was as equally bored as Granz.

And poor Ulquiorra, the Fourth would bear the brunt of this prank, while the rest of them sat back and enjoyed the show.


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks to everyone who reviewed. I am glad to hear that so many people enjoyed the first chapter and the idea of Grimmjow and Orihime as kids. This concept was my beta's idea and a continuing gift for her birthday. Admittedly I take inspiration from my two youngest children - I can relate to poor Ulquiorra as this story progresses.

Please let me know what you thought of this chapter as well. I love to hear from my readers!

As always - _I do not own Bleach or any of its characters._

* * *

**Chapter Two ~ **_**"As long as you live under my roof, you'll do what I say and live by my rules!"**_

"You do not need to remain in your release form," Ulquiorra finally spoke as they made their way back to the woman's – shit that wouldn't do anymore – what was her name? Orihime - that was it. "Are you even listening to me Grimmjow?"

"Yes," he said with exasperation. "But I'm choosing to ignore you."

"In your current state I do not believe it is wise to remain in a form that requires so much reiatsu…"

"I don't have any fucking pants!" he stopped walking and yelled at the Fourth. This brought a new round of giggles from Orihime, but he ignored her. "Remember I left them in Aizen's throne room."

Ulquiorra stared a moment and then gave a small nod. So much for a response. The guy had as many expressions as a blank wall.

"I like the kitty form," Orihime spoke from her place on Ulquiorra's other side. She reached around the Fourth and before Grimmjow could stop her, tickled his ears, "So soft and furry."

He swatted her hand away and growled, "Get your hands off my ears. And I already told you I am a panther…"

"Pretty blue kitty," she touched his hair that hung down his back, almost to his knees.

"I am not a goddamn kitty," he pushed her back from him. Looking at Ulquiorra he said, "If you do not keep her from touching me I will kill her."

"You will do no such thing," Ulquiorra reached down and lifted the girl, positioning her safely against his hip once again. "Aizen-sama still finds her useful, and until he says otherwise, she is to remain unharmed."

"You wouldn't hurt me Ulquiorra-san?" the girl placed her hands on the Espada's cheeks and forced him to look into her eyes, "Even if Aizen-sama gave the order?"

"In a fucking heartbeat," Grimmjow laughed, "If I don't beat him to it first."

To his horror she began to cry; loud, obnoxious sobs.

"Grimmjow-chan said he's gonna kill me," she whined.

"I did not," he stated.

"Yes you did," she choked on a sob and then began to wail even louder.

"Grimmjow is not going to kill you," Ulquiorra said coolly. "Aizen-sama has placed me as your caretaker. If anyone will be responsible for ending your life it will be me."

This brought screams as she struggled to break from the Fourth's grasp.

"Way to go, brainiac," Grimmjow said sarcastically. Walking away he said, "Your way of dealing with small children is a thing of beauty."

Ulquiorra, still holding the squirming, crying child, followed behind him.

"You will stop your crying now, girl," Ulquiorra commanded.

She wailed louder.

"If you don't stop he'll give you to Loly and Menoly to play tea party," Grimmjow said without breaking stride.

The stupid girl grew quiet.

Grimmjow smiled, "You either have it or you don't, and you Ulquiorra are completely inept when it comes to children."

Ulquiorra gave no response which made Grimmjow laugh. They continued until they came to Orihime's cell.

"I don't see why I should have to hang out with you two," Grimmjow said as Ulquiorra opened the door. "I can take care of myself."

"You heard Aizen-sama," Ulquiorra deposited the girl on the over-sized couch and turned to face him. "Now a few rules before we get started. I am in charge here, regardless of your rank, you are merely a child at the present, and it is through Aizen-sama's good graces that you were even permitted to remain an Espada…"

"You can stop the ass kissing crap," Grimmjow crossed his arms in front of his chest, "No one's here to impress with your loyalty."

Ulquiorra gave him another of his blank stares.

"As I was saying - a few rules; and you will do as you are told."

"Fuck that shit."

"And you will stop with the mindless cursing," Ulquiorra continued nonplussed. "It is inappropriate and only makes you appear more the idiot than you are."

"Thanks for that pearl of wisdom, mom," Grimmjow shot back. Orihime began to giggle from the couch.

"Do not encourage him," Ulquiorra turned and gave her his infamous cold stare. She shrank back and lowered her head. Satisfied he turned back to Grimmjow, "I expect compliance."

Grimmjow shook his head.

"I could always call Nnoitra to hang out with you when I am away," Ulquiorra said, "I'm sure he will be very understanding of your new status."

"I bet you feel very clever," Grimmjow grew annoyed as Ulquiorra used his own strategy on him. He walked over to the couch and sat down. "You aren't my master."

"I never said I was," Ulquiorra replied, "But while you are in my care you will do as I say."

Grimmjow felt a soft touch and turned to find Orihime had scooted closer so that she could pet his long hair again.

"Get away from me you freak," he pushed her back.

Tears welled up in her eyes and she looked to Ulquiorra.

"Do not push the girl."

"Tell her not to touch me."

"Orihime, do not touch Grimmjow," he looked at the girl.

She nodded her head, but as soon as Ulquiorra turned to speak with the arrancar that had entered a moment earlier, she reached out for his mane once more.

"She's touching me again," Grimmjow yelled.

Ulquiorra turned and stared at them both, his eyes ice cold. "Move," he said to Orihime as he pointed to the left side of the couch. She scooted over slowly. "And you move there," he pointed to the far right. Grimmjow stared in challenge, but finally gave in and moved. "Now, you each have your own section of the couch. No one is to cross over from their side."

"Or what," Grimmjow asked.

"Or I will tie you to a chair and allow the girl to pet you to her heart's content."

"You are a nasty son-of-a-bitch," Grimmjow drew his legs up and sat back glaring at Orihime. "And what if she crosses the line?"

"Then I will kill her precious Kurosaki as soon as he enters Hueco Mundo to rescue her."

Orihime shrieked, but Grimmjow yelled, "You can't do that. Kurosaki is mine."

The girl recovered enough to giggle at his words.

"I don't mean it like that," Grimmjow growled. "I want to fight him not fu…"

Ulquiorra appeared at his side and quickly covered his mouth.

"I said to lay off the cursing."

Grimmjow glared at him and grabbed his hand, trying to pry the Fourth's fingers back, but with little success.

"Now," Ulquiorra spoke coldly, "I am trying to arrange for clothes for the both of you, so leave each other alone and do not speak until I am done."

He released Grimmjow and stood. Walking back over to the arrancar from earlier he began to talk. Orihime stared at Grimmjow and he stuck out his tongue in reply. This only caused her to laugh again, making Ulquiorra turn around and glare at them both. Grimmjow pointed at the girl in accusation, but the Espada had already turned back to the arrancar.

"I'm going to kill Kurosaki," he whispered.

"No!" she screamed and Ulquiorra once more glared at them. "I am at the limits of my patience," he said coolly. "You two will stop now, or there will be hell to pay."

Grimmjow tried to hide his smile and when he looked to Orihime he noticed that she was smiling too. Maybe he was approaching this wrong, divide and conquer may not be the best strategy here. If they were to team up against the uptight Fourth, this situation could actually prove fun.


	3. Chapter 3

Caught a cold so I am using it as an excuse to hide from my kids - Ulquiorra may want to try it after this chapter.

So not much in the way of author' notes. I hope to write more soon, but have an assignment for an online class to do - so time to be responsible.

Thanks to all who reviewed. Let me know what you thought of this one.

* * *

**Chapter Three ~ **_**You'll eat it and you'll like it.**_

Orihime twirled about as the skirt of her new dress billowed around her.

"It's perfect," she crooned.

The dress was similar to the one she wore when she was a teen, except for a few modifications to accommodate her new body. Being that she was such a klutz, Ulquiorra had requested the dress fall above the knee so that she wouldn't trip over it. He also decided leggings would be a good accompaniment as she was much more active now, and it wouldn't do for her to have her underpants show, with Grimmjow around all the time.

"Does this one suit me as well?" she giggled as she came to a stop in front of Ulquiorra. He stared at her in confusion. "You told me the other dress suited me well…so what about this one?"

"It is appropriate for your needs."

"Oh," her eyes fell and she grew silent.

The woman had been confusing enough as a teen, but as a child, her highly volatile moods were now tinged with a slight irrationality, that made it harder to make her behave, let alone use reason.

"You still exist for Aizen-sama and his desires," he spoke softly, "So the dress, as a symbol of that allegiance, suits you."

"Really?" Grimmjow's sarcastic voice called out from across the room, where he had just emerged from the bathroom with his new uniform on. "That's the best you can do? Girls don't give a shit about that stuff. Just tell her she's pretty and she'll leave you alone."

The girl turned to Grimmjow and smiled, "You think I'm pretty?"

The blue-haired boy turned red and backed up a step, "Hell no," he shouted. "I was just saying that Ulquiorra should say that to get you to shut your whiney ass up."

She giggled again as she began to dance about him. Finally coming to a stop beside him she announced, "Your uniform makes you look pretty too."

"Guy's cannot be pretty…"

She peered up into his face and stared. The boy grew even more flustered and shoved her back.

"You are a freak."

"I still think you're pretty…kitty," she laughed again and quickly ran away as he growled. Entwining herself around Ulquiorra's legs she shrieked in glee.

"Untangle yourself, girl," Ulquiorra tried to pry her free.

"Grimmjow will hit me."

"He will not hit you."

"I damn sure will," the miniature Espada stalked over to where they stood and tried to grab Orihime.

Ulquiorra was now trapped between the two squabbling children. Orihime wedged between his legs, and Grimmjow trying to pull her free. It was inevitable that he, as skilled as he was, would lose his balance. Tripping over the girl as his feet, he fell back. Orihime screamed, but somehow avoided being squished underneath him. Grimmjow landed on top of him, but quickly began to climb over him to get to the girl. Grabbing the Sixth he sat up and said forcefully, "Enough!"

Both children stilled.

Ulquiorra looked to the girl, "Grimmjow is a boy. He cannot be pretty, so you will refrain from antagonizing him with such remarks," Orihime nodded and satisfied he turned to Grimmjow, "You diminish your ranking by allowing her to get under your skin so easily…"

"She's an annoying brat," the Sixth protested.

"And you are older and I would think a little wiser," he replied. "You should be able to ignore her. Otherwise you simply give her more power and therefore make her stronger than you."

"She is not stronger than me!" Grimmjow grew red with rage.

"Then use a little self control," Ulquiorra released his hold on the boy and rose to his feet. "Now, the evening meal should be here soon. Let's try not to kill each other before it arrives."

Grimmjow stood as well and crossed his arms angrily. Orihime moved closer to Ulquiorra and slipped her hand in his. He glanced down and gave her a discouraging look, but she ignored him.

"Thank you for protecting me Oniichan," she said sweetly.

Ignoring her tone, and Grimmjow's snickers, he replied firmly, "I am not your big brother."

She only smiled in response and Ulquiorra knew she would do as she pleased. Stubborn woman, he thought. No worse. Stubborn children were far worse, and he was stuck with two of the most stubborn children in all of Hueco Mundo.

* * *

"You need to eat your meal," Ulquiorra looked to Grimmjow.

"I don't like it," Grimmjow stated as he looked at the unidentifiable food on his plate.

"You haven't even tried it," Ulquiorra put down his own fork and shot him one of his looks that was supposed to intimidate Grimmjow into complying with his commands.

"Don't have to," he pushed some of the food around his plate with his fork. "I can tell just by looking at it that it sucks."

"The girl seems to find it satisfying."

"Yeah," Grimmjow shot Orihime a look, "Stupid human will eat anything you put in front of her."

"No she won't," Ulquiorra replied. "Trust me on that."

"Last time Oniichan held me down and forced the food down my throat," Orihime said sweetly as she smiled at Ulquiorra. "So you better eat. Besides," she turned her smile to Grimmjow, "Peas are delicious."

Grimmjow looked at the small, round, green objects on his plate.

"I prefer meat."

"There is meat on your plate," Ulquiorra was growing impatient, Grimmjow could tell.

Encouraged by this insight he said, "I prefer raw meat."

"While you are in this form you will eat whatever is prepared for you," Ulquiorra picked up his fork and began to eat again.

"Eating food sucks."

"It is a consequence of the transformation to arrancar, you know that. Just like Shinigami, we have to eat to keep up with the insatiable appetite that comes from containing our reiryoku in this form," Ulquiorra didn't even bother to look at him. Instead he picked up his fork again and said, "You should be grateful that you are not like all those other hollows in Hueco Mundo who still have to resort to consuming stale human souls to exist."

"They can eat my peas," Grimmjow replied.

"You will eat the food," Ulquiorra turned and stared at him. Grimmjow could feel the Fourth's reiatsu rise and decided it was time to let the issue drop.

Picking up his fork he speared a piece of meat and shoved it in his mouth. It wasn't as bad as it looked, but it wasn't good either. Still, he ate regardless. Ulquiorra was right. He needed to fuel his energy so he could maintain his rank through this ordeal.

Suddenly a pea hit him square in the middle of his forehead. He looked up to see Orihime, a huge smile on her face, and a spoon in her hand. A pea sat in it and she pulled back and then released the object, sending it flying across the table and hitting him before he could swat it away.

"Cut it out," he yelled.

"What is your problem now Grimmjow," Ulquiorra looked up from his plate and shot him an annoyed look. So the Fourth did have other expressions after all.

"The girl is flinging food at me."

Ulquiorra turned his stare to Orihime and she looked at him wide-eyed and innocent. The spoon was lying beside her plate.

"I didn't do anything," she batted her eyelashes. "Grimmjow's just trying to get me in trouble."

"There will be no flinging of food," Ulquiorra looked from her to Grimmjow. "Is that understood?"

"I didn't do anything," Grimmjow exclaimed. "Really, even when I'm being good no one believes me."

Ulquiorra went back to his meal, while Grimmjow pouted. Catching Orihime's eye he grew even angrier when she winked at him.

"Stupid bitch," he mumbled.

Looking at Ulquiorra to make sure the Fourth was not paying attention he picked up his spoon and fired a pea at Orihime.

"Ouch!" she cried out.

Ulquiorra looked up and she pointed at Grimmjow.

"She started it," he said in his own defense. "I was just paying her back."

"I said there would be no flinging of food," Ulquiorra's voice grew colder.

Irritated from all the shit he had had to endure that day, Grimmjow picked up his spoon and loaded it with peas before aiming at Ulquiorra and letting it go. The Fourth only stared silently as the peas hit his face and fell to the table and floor. Orihime began to laugh, and Grimmjow smiled wide with pleasure.

Ulquiorra stood abruptly and pointed to the far corner of the room.

"Go!" he said to Orihime.

She looked up and feigned surprise. When that didn't work she began to cry.

"I said go," Ulquiorra repeated.

She stood and walked to the corner.

"Turn around," Ulquiorra commanded. "I am done looking at you for now."

She turned around and began to sob in earnest. Grimmjow began to laugh but the fourth turned his glare his way as well.

Anger - that was two emotions in less than two minutes. Grimmjow felt rather pleased with himself.

Ulquiorra pointed to the other corner and said coldly, "You go there."

"No fucking way," Grimmjow stared back. "You can't make me go stand in the corner like some goddamn kid."

Ulquiorra continued to point.

"I don't have to do what you say."

Ulquiorra never said a word, but suddenly the air grew heavy and Grimmjow found it hard to breathe.

"You fucking prick," he panted.

The pressure increased, but Ulquiorra still remained silent.

Grimmjow pushed back from the table and shouted, "Okay. You win. You fucking bastard."

The air became so heavy that Grimmjow fell to his knees.

"I said no more cursing," Ulquiorra finally spoke.

Grimmjow looked up with daggers in his eyes.

"Now go."

The pressure was gone, and Grimmjow slowly got to his feet and made his way to the corner. Turning around he stood facing the wall, mumbling curse words and plotting how to make the Fourth suffer once this punishment was over.

* * *

Szayel sat at the computer console. Beside him the former Shinigami Captain, Ichimaru Gin, sat with a wide grin on his face.

"When did you find the time to install this camera," Ichimaru asked.

"I am a man of many talents," Szayel beamed.

"So how long before Ulquiorra loses it completely and kills the Sixth?" Ichimaru leaned in and looked at the blue-haired Espada now banished to the corner of Orihime's cell.

"I'll admit I thought he would hold out much longer than this, but given the events of today alone, I think it would be safe to say Grimmjow will not survive the week," Szayel replied.

"Then you have about six days to perfect that antidote," Gin rose to his feet. "I don't think Aizen would take too kindly to losing either Espada before Orihime's friends come to rescue her."

"Understood," Szayel said as he turned his eyes back to the screen.

He had not enjoyed himself like this in a long time. Of course he already possessed the antidote, as he was sure that both Aizen and Gin were well aware. Still, he now had about six days to enjoy this diversion before he had to ruin the fun.

"Maybe tomorrow I'll invite Nnoitra to watch," he spoke to himself. Morale had been low lately. Might as well spread some cheer to liven things up.


	4. Chapter 4

One of the reviews from a guest suggested other situations that poor Ulquiorra and the kids could find themselves in. Rest assured there are many opportunities for fun at the expense of the other Espada!

One thing Ulquiorra can be grateful for as this story progresses is that there are no grocery stores in Hueco Mundo (even worse Wal-Mart) - imagine Grimmjow whining down the aisles as Orihime throws stuff in the cart when Ulquiorra isn't looking.

Thanks for all who reviewed - I am glad people are enjoying it. Please continue as I love to hear what the readers think!

_**I do not own Bleach or any of its characters**_ - _but I can't say the same for the bratty behavior found in these chapters - that inspiration comes from my life and my kids_

* * *

**Chapter Four ~ **_Don't you have anything better to do with yourself?_

Ulquiorra sat at the table sipping from a hot cup of tea. The evening meal had been cleaned away, the girl had been bathed, and Grimmjow was now finishing up in the bathroom. Now in her nightclothes, Ulquiorra believed Orihime would finally settle down for the evening, but instead she had taken to leaping about the couch, gleefully rambling on about how it was so big and bouncy. He had decided to ignore her behavior for the moment. She was out of his hair, and he would take his moments of calm any way he could at this point.

_"Teddy Bear, Teddy Bear, turn around,"_ she chanted as she jumped from cushion to cushion. _"Teddy Bear, Teddy Bear, touch the ground…"_

He continued to sip his tea, not even hearing what she was singing. The rhythmic tune had simply become background noise that he could easily dismiss.

_"…Teddy Bear, Teddy Bear show your shoe. Teddy Bear, Teddy Bear, that will do…"_

The girl had been work before, but now, with Grimmjow added into the mix, Ulquiorra's life had become complete chaos, and he found himself longing for a simpler time, when all he had to do was fight hollows to survive. Somehow he would find a way to repay Granz for this situation he was now in. There was no doubt in his mind that the Eighth had set him up for his own twisted amusement.

_"Teddy Bear, Teddy Bear go upstairs,"_ Orihime continued to chant, _"Teddy Bear, Teddy Bear, say your prayers…"_

"You better say your prayers if you plan to continue that shit," Grimmjow's grating voice interrupted Ulquiorra's quiet. "Because I'm gonna knock you into the afterlife if you don't shut up."

The girl never missed a beat. Changing her tune she taunted the Sixth, _"Dum dum dodo, catch me if you can. I can run faster than Grimmjow can."_

She stuck out her tongue and began to run around the couch squealing with delight as the boy growled and leapt up. It didn't take long before he caught her and she cried out laughing gleefully.

"You're crazy," he said as he pinned her beneath him.

"I'm just having fun," she giggled. "You should try it."

"I am above mindless, human amusements," he sat back and crossed his arms.

"The couch is really bouncy," she cajoled. "And I bet I can jump higher than you."

"No fucking way…"

"Language," Ulquiorra reminded him.

Grimmjow shot him a look of annoyance and then looked back at Orihime.

"It would be no contest," he continued, "After all hollows are far superior to humans."

"Suit yourself," she stood back up and began to jump again, _"I like coffee, I like tea, I like Grimmjow to jump with me…"_

"Shut up already."

She laughed and changed the tune once more, _"Ice cream soda, cherry on the top,  
who's your boyfriend I forgot. A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I…oh that's right… Ichigo…"_

"I'm gonna kill you," Grimmjow took off for her and she jumped down from the couch and began to run around the room screaming with delight.

So much for quiet and calm Ulquiorra thought, as he placed the cup of tea on the table and stood.

"You can't run from me," Grimmjow yelled, "I'm a fucking Espada."

She managed to evade him until in all the confusion the two children collided. Falling back she cried out and began to scream, but this time in pain. He went to her side and knelt down on the ground.

"Are you hurt?" he asked as he began to inspect her body.

She only screamed in response.

"I cannot help you unless you tell me where you are hurt."

She wailed a few minutes more before Grimmjow came and stood beside him.

"She cracked her head against mine," he said as he rubbed his forehead. A large bump already began to protrude and change color.

Ulquiorra looked to Orihime. Sure enough, as he pushed back her hair, a large bump had formed on her head as well.

"For a human, she sure has a hard skull," the sixth complained.

"You should not have been chasing her like that."

"She was asking for it," he replied angrily. "I am not in love with Kurosaki."

"And yet you continue to take her bait," he lifted the girl and brought her to the couch.

"I suppose a cold compress would be best," he said.

"Just have her use her powers to heal it," Grimmjow plopped down on the far end of the couch.

Ulquiorra looked at the girl. Using her powers would make sense. Besides he was curious to see if she had been affected by this change.

"Do you believe you can reject this injury?" he asked her.

She stopped wailing and looked up at him, her face red and her eyes puffy from crying. Still she managed a small smile and nodded as she said, "Ayame, Shuno…are you there?"

Suddenly two small fairy-like creatures materialized.

"Orihime," A male with blonde hair tied in a topknot asked as he peered at the girl.

"Oh Shuno," she cried and the tears fell again, "I'm so glad to see you."

"What happened," he took in her appearance and then the two Espada and then the room.

Suddenly four other creatures appeared. They hovered about her, equally concerned.

"Fascinating," Ulquiorra whispered.

"Figures she'd have some fucked up girly power," Grimmjow complained from his position on the couch. Still Ulquiorra could tell he was interested.

One of the fairies flew into the Sixth's face. The aggressive male took the Espada to task.

"Who you calling _girly_…pretty boy?" the creature yelled.

"Pretty boy," Grimmjow reached out to grab the fairy but was too slow. "I'll crush you, you little shit."

Ulquiorra grabbed Grimmjow's hand, "You will do no such thing," he spoke firmly. "Aizen still has use for her powers."

The angry fairy flew back to the girl and began to drill her, "Care to explain what is going on. Why do you look like this and why are you here with these two?"

"Well there was a box left on the table and Grimmjow opened it, even though I told him not too," All the fairies turned and stared at Grimmjow, "And this stinky gas game out, and then when we woke up the next morning we were kids."

"Idiot," the angry fairy said with disgust as he turned from Grimmjow back to Orihime.

"Well then Aizen-sama said that Ulquiorra had to take care of us until an antidote could be made. But Grimmjow isn't very fun, and he picks on me…"

"Because you are an annoying brat," the Sixth yelled.

"See what I mean," she looked at the fairies who all nodded their agreement.

"Just heal her freakin injury already," Grimmjow yelled.

"Oh, Orihime," a timid fairy in an over-sized dress, flew up to her forehead and cried, "Shuno, she's hurt."

The other fairy joined her and together they created the familiar golden glow that had encompassed Grimmjow's arm barely a week earlier. The bruise faded, and the swelling went down. When she was healed, the shield disappeared and the fairies flew about Orihime.

"Looks like she's still got it," Grimmjow remarked.

"No thanks to you," the aggressive male fairy flew within inches of Grimmjow's face again.

"It's okay Tsubaki," Orihime said. "Grimmjow can't help that he's so grouchy." She lowered her voice and said to the fairies gathered round her, "He's worried Aizen-sama will take his rank away."

"I am not," Grimmjow yelled. "Aizen knows that I am still strong."

The girl crawled over to where the Sixth sat on the couch. Smiling at him she reached out and rubbed his leg affectionately.

"It's okay Grimmjow," She whispered, "I believe in you too." The Sixth narrowed his eyes and she called out, "Ayame. Shuno. Soten Kisshun."

The golden glow surrounded Grimmjow's forehead and he stared at her, a question in his gaze.

"It was sort of my fault too. I know you don't want to be Ichigo's boyfriend."

Grimmjow remained silent as his injury was healed. When she was done, Orihime bid her fairies goodnight and sat back yawning loudly.

"Boy am I tired," she stretched.

"You both should get some sleep," Ulquiorra stepped forward and grabbed a blanket. "Aizen-sama will wish to see you after breakfast."

"Okay Oniichan," Orihime smiled as she lay down. "I'm glad you got to meet my Shun Shun Rikka."

Rolling over she closed her eyes. In moments her breathing had deepened. Grimmjow moved to the other end of the couch, still uncharacteristically silent. When he finally spoke he said, "She's still a pain in the ass."

With that he gave Ulquiorra his back. The Fourth stood a moment longer and then returned to the table. His tea was now cold. Still he drank from the cup. Cold tea and hot tempers – he should get used to such things for a while. Yet it would seem that the girl had found a way to calm Grimmjow, if even for a few minutes. Who knew, maybe tomorrow wouldn't be so bad.


	5. Chapter 5

Ran out of ideas this week. Hope this chapter is enjoyable - I have a few others written but they work later in the story. Time to involve other Espada!

Thanks to all who reviewed. Please let me know what you thought and maybe who you'd like to see meet up with the kids!

* * *

**Chapter Five ~ **_I don't care what everyone else is doing, I care what YOU are doing._

"So what I don't get is why Kurosaki took you with him when he went to invade Soul Society," Grimmjow put down his fork and stared at Orihime. "You have no real powers…"

"I have my Shun Shun Rikka," she stared back.

"Little fairies that fly about and heal people is not the same," he sat back and crossed his arms. "You can't fight for shit."

She looked down at her hands that were now folded in her lap. Breakfast was momentarily forgotten.

"You're not going to cry are you?" Grimmjow became annoyed. It seemed the girl only had two moods, extremely cheerful or crying her eyes out.

She looked back up and met his eyes. He was surprised to see defiance, "I trained hard with Yoruichi and Sado-kun before we left, and though I may not fight, I helped…sort of…I mean…"

He waved her off, "Not really interested."

"Then why bring it up?"

"Bored I guess," he shrugged his shoulders, "Just stating the obvious. But if Kurosaki wants to surround himself with weaklings so he can look strong…"

She stood abruptly, bumping the table and spilling her drink.

"Kurosaki-kun is not weak!"

Grimmjow laughed.

"He is not," she persisted.

"I beat the shit out of him both times we fought," he shot back, "And I would have blown him and the short little Shinigami into tiny pieces if someone hadn't stopped me."

He turned to glare at Ulquiorra, who calmly sat and drank his tea. Lowering his mug, the Fourth stated, "The mission was over. The girl agreed to come with us, and you were fighting an opponent that had you so challenged you felt the need to go into your release…"

"The guy comes out of nowhere," Grimmjow complained. "And then he interrupts my fight…"

"The fight was over," Ulquiorra cut him off.

Grimmjow huffed and said, his voice lower, "I will get my chance to get Kurosaki, and next time we fight, nothing will stop me from defeating him."

Ulquiorra went back to sipping his tea and Orihime sat back down. She picked at her food but after a moment put her fork back down.

"Kurosaki-kun is strong," she persisted.

"Not strong enough to defeat me," he grinned confidently.

"He defeated two captains while in Soul Society."

Grimmjow sat up now interested. Leaning forward he said, "Tell me about it."

"Well," she rubbed absently at the back of her neck, "I didn't actually see his fight with Captain Zaraki, or his fight with Renji-kun, or Ikkaku-san either…and when Kurosaki-kun released his bankai during his fight with Captain Kuchiki we were still a distance away…"

"Cut the crap and give me the facts," Grimmjow grew impatient. The girl was such a scatterbrain.

"Oh," she laughed nervously. "Well, let me see." She held up her right hand and began to count on her fingers, "First there was Ikkaku; he was the third seat in the Eleventh Division. He's kind of funny. Ichigo said he had this dance…"

"Not interested," Grimmjow folded his arms and glared at her.

"Oh, right, just the important stuff," she looked at her fingers and lifted another, "Renji-kun is the lieutenant of the Sixth Division…"

"Still not interested," he leaned in closer, "The captains."

"Okay," she furrowed her brows. "Captain Zaraki was the first captain he fought. He's big and very strong, and he has an eye patch and spiky hair and he puts these tiny bells on the end that jingle when he moves, which you would probably like, since cats like shiny objects…"

"Are you trying to provoke me," he stood and leaned within inches of her face.

"No," she backed up, eyes wide, "I just thought because your release is a cat…"

"Panther," he ground out.

"Oh, right, panther," she grinned, "Same thing…"

"No it is not," he slammed his fist onto the table.

"I thought you wanted to hear about the fight with Captain Zaraki," She crossed her arms and peered at him with a sweet smile.

"I do," he yelled, "But you are just being an idiot…"

She smiled wider.

"What!"

"Nothing," her smile grew again and she glanced at Ulquiorra. The Fourth only nodded.

"What?!"

"Nothing," she seemed pleased. "Do you want me to finish?"

He turned to Ulquiorra and then back to her again, "Yes, you stupid girl."

"Not if you're going to call me names," she pouted.

"You are stupid…"

"Then forget it."

"Damn it girl," he could feel his control slipping. "Tell me."

"Apologize."

"Fuck no!"

She only stared expectantly in reply.

"Tell me."

She shook her head. He looked to Ulquiorra.

"I would suggest you apologize," the Fourth said as he put his mug down on the table.

"No way," Grimmjow was growing angrier. "I was only telling the truth."

Orihime stood and looked to Ulquiorra again, "I'm going to brush my teeth."

"No you are not," Grimmjow yelled.

"You should brush your teeth after every meal," she chided him. "I know that Milk Bones work for dogs. I'm not sure about cats…"

"You _are _trying to provoke me," he stalked over to where she stood and reached out to grab her when Ulquiorra stopped him.

"You are so predictable it is really no contest," he said coolly, "Outwitted by a mere human girl; pathetic."

"Outwitted?" he glared at Ulquiorra, "Outwitted?"

"You have no self control," the Fourth continued. "She only has to tease you and you fly off the handle."

"So now you're on her side?" Grimmjow was incredulous. "Aren't you the least bit curious?"

"I know all about Kurosaki's battles," Ulquiorra dismissed him.

"How can you know that?" Grimmjow refused to back down.

"I investigated," he replied, "Captain Tosen is usually a good source for factual information."

"That self righteous piece of shit," Grimmjow spat.

"You may not like him…"

"He sliced off my freakin arm and disintegrated it so I couldn't reattach it…"

"Which the girl managed to reject," Ulquiorra stated.

"Yeah, how convenient," he walked closer to the bathroom. "One would think Aizen planned it that way all along."

Ignoring Ulquiorra's reply, he walked in on the girl. She had a toothbrush in hand and was putting paste on it. All the while she sang some asinine song about her teeth.

_Here's my toothpaste, here's my brush.  
I won't hurry, I won't rush.  
Working hard to keep teeth clean, front and back and in between.  
I will have a happy smile…_

"Shit, do you have a song for everything," he exclaimed.

She jumped at the sound of his voice and put her hand to her chest.

"You shouldn't sneak up on people like that," she turned back to the sink. "I could've hurt you."

"I'd like to see you try," he laughed snidely. "Anyways, I want to hear the rest of the story about Kurosaki's battles."

She mumbled something while brushing her teeth.

"I can't understand you."

She spit, rinsed, and then smacked her lips together. Smiling again she said, "All done. And I was saying you should brush your teeth too. You may see bad breath as an advantage in battle, but honestly bad hygiene says something about a person."

"I don't care about my teeth!"

"You should," she pushed past him, "Can't rip all that meat apart if your teeth are rotted."

"You are fucking insane," he turned and stalked out of the room after her.

"And I thought Ulquiorra-kun said you should stop swearing."

"I don't have to do anything he says," he got in her path and poked her hard on the shoulder. "I live by my own rules."

"And look where that got you," she held his gaze with a rather pissed one of her own.

"Are you holding a grudge because of Szayel's poison gas?" he narrowed his eyes.

"Well if I was being truthful," she poked him right back, "I am a little upset. I mean living through middle school once was bad enough…"

"I have news for you," he stepped closer, "You are never going home, so that won't matter."

She blinked several times before the tears began to fall.

"For fuck's sake, don't you dare cry."

"You're mean."

"I'm being honest."

"You're still mean," she pouted. "And I hope Kurosaki-kun beats your butt real good if he does come to Hueco Mundo."

"Oh I wouldn't count on that."

"Yeah, true," she wiped her eyes, "He would never fight a child."

"I plan to have the antidote by then," he lowered his voice.

She stared at him a moment more and then said, "Kurosaki-kun gets stronger every time he fights, and by the time you meet again he will defeat you."

"He can try," Grimmjow smirked, "But it ain't gonna happen."

"Well one thing that won't happen for sure is me telling you anything that would help you win," she crossed her arms, "You'll just have to do it on your own."

"I could ask Tosen, like Ulquiorra did," he shot back.

She began to laugh.

"What?"

"Oh nothing."

"Tell me, damn it."

"Nope," she teased, "You just go and ask Captain Tosen. I'm sure he'll help you."

He shot a look over to where Ulquiorra sat, once more at the table drinking his tea, and said, "It would seem that Ulquiorra has been very chatty with you over the past week."

She frowned slightly and the teasing disappeared, "Ulquiorra-kun likes to give lectures."

"Yeah he does, doesn't he?"

She nodded, "But if you listen really hard you can get a lot of good information without him even realizing it."

"He talked about Tosen slicing off my arm?"

"I think that was the lecture about doing as you're told and not acting rashly or there would be consequences," she winked at him. "You were the star of many of his examples."

"He's such a self assured asshole," he stated and the girl giggled.

"Ulquiorra-kun is not so bad."

"If you like know-it-alls that think their shit doesn't stink," he replied and she laughed again.

"You are so funny when you want to be Grimmjow-chan," she smiled. Turning away from him she skipped back over to the table and sat down.

He watched as she animatedly talked to Ulquiorra. The Fourth appeared to be ignoring her, but then he started speaking…and speaking…and speaking…

A smile teased Grimmjow's lips as Orihime sent him a knowing look and he was amazed at how easily she was able to get Aizen's most trusted and tight-lipped Espada to give her information. Slowly he walked back over to the table. For a human, maybe she wasn't so stupid after all.


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Notes:**

It has been quite some time. Sorry for the delay. Hope you enjoy the chapter and a huge thanks to_ lilarin_ for commissioning the wonderful art for the cover of this story.

_I do not own Bleach or any of its characters._

* * *

**Chapter Six ~ **_I'll treat you like an adult when you start acting like one._

Once more they stood before Aizen, this time in his private throne room where he stored the Hogyoku. Orihime fidgeted nervously at Ulquiorra's side, her hand grasping tightly to the leg of his hakama. Grimmjow, as usual stood defiant. The boy glared at Granz, fists clenched tightly at his side as Aizen questioned the Eighth.

"So Szayel," the former Shinigami Captain began, "Have you found a solution to this predicament yet?"

Szayel smiled with amusement, "As you know Aizen-sama things of this nature take time. Just recreating the original poison took me most of yesterday."

"Bullshit!" Grimmjow coughed.

"What was that?" Granz looked at Grimmjow. "Are you implying that I am not being completely forthright?"

"You're damn right I am," Grimmjow stepped closer to Granz, "I don't think you did anything yesterday. In fact I bet you already have an antidote and are just enjoying fucking with me."

Granz's eyes opened wide and when he spoke his voice had a slight pout, "You hurt me Grimmjow. To believe that I would do something so underhanded, just so I could have some fun while we are waiting for Soul Society to make a move," he glanced to Aizen, "I would never compromise the strength of your army Aizen-sama. I mean poor Grimmjow here may have to sit out of the action if anything were to happen…and with Luppi gone…"

Grimmjow leapt at the Eighth, "You fucking piece of shit! You better have me back to normal before then…"

"Oh my Ulquiorra," Granz grew irritated, "Can't you control your charge any better. The boy definitely lacks manners. One would question your parenting methods."

Grimmjow managed to land a punch and Granz stumbled back, his anger now very real.

"You are quite a little brat aren't you," Granz remarked.

Ulquiorra remained where he was, unmoving. The Eighth's comments annoyed him and he felt no urgency to step in and stop Grimmjow from releasing some of his pent up hostility. The Sixth let out a string of curses as he continued to pummel the pink-haired Espada. Orihime giggled from her spot at Ulquiorra's side, and a glance at Gin revealed that the former Shinigami Captain was enjoying the display as well.

It was Tosen, who had decided to join them this morning that finally took action. Grabbing the boy's wrist he held it painfully tight and lifted the tiny Espada several inches off the floor. Grimmjow dangled in midair, now turning his attention to the blind Shinigami.

"Why are you interfering," the child whined. "If anyone has been treated unfairly it would be me not that pink haired piece of shit…"

"I find your behavior before this change rather reprehensible, but now, as a child, it is something I cannot tolerate."

"Like I give a flying fuck what you think," Grimmjow growled and then grunted in pain as the Shinigami tightened his grip.

"You are without honor," Tosen began but was interrupted by Orihime, who had left Ulquiorra's side and made her way over to where he stood.

Tugging at Tosen's coat she said softly, "You're hurting Grimmjow."

Tosen looked down with his unseeing eyes and said evenly, "The boy lacks discipline."

"He's just upset," she continued, "He's afraid Aizen-sama will take his rank away again…"

"Shut up you stupid bitch!" Grimmjow kicked wildly as he tried in vain to free himself.

"The truth is he is quite worthless to Aizen-sama like this," Granz came closer to Orihime.

She backed away from him, but her voice grew angry, "Grimmjow is not worthless. He is still strong…and even if no one would fight him because he is just a kid, I know that if they did fight him, he could still win if he tried really hard…"

"What a sweet girl, "Granz purred, "But honestly you are deluded if you believe he is a threat in this form…"

"I'll take you right now you queer freak," Grimmjow was trying to pry Tosen's hand from his wrist.

"Enough," Aizen stood. "Kaname, release Grimmjow."

The Shinigami immediately obliged and the Sixth fell in a heap to the floor.

Aizen looked to Grimmjow who was now getting back to his feet, "For the time being your rank will remain as it is, but if Soul Society responds and decides to invade Hueco Mundo, I will need my forces in prime condition."

"Then tell Granz to do his job," Grimmjow shouted back. His fists were clenched so tightly that the knuckles had gone white.

"He is working on a solution," Aizen spoke slowly, his manner condescending.

"Bullshit!"

Tosen reached out again, but Ulquiorra reacted even faster. Standing between the boy and the Shinigami he chastised, "You cannot speak like that to Aizen-sama."

Grimmjow stood still, his mouth hung open but no sound came out. Finally he turned and began to stalk away.

Ulquiorra turned to follow when Aizen spoke softly, "You understand the enormity of the task facing you, don't you, Ulquiorra?"

Without turning back he simply nodded, and picking up the girl, left the room to find the Sixth before the boy's big mouth got him killed.

* * *

Grimmjow walked rather fast down the hallways of Las Noches. His footsteps were heavy and it was obvious that he was pissed off beyond reason. He was just itching for a fight, and it would not take much to goad him into action. So when the Fifth suddenly appeared the boy's reiatsu spiked incredibly high in mere seconds.

"It would seem Ulquiorra is not as adept at watching you as he was the woman," Nnoitra smirked from his place leaning against the wall, "Can't have little brats such as you wandering about unattended. After all, children can get into trouble so easily."

"I don't need a keeper, and I am not a prisoner," Grimmjow stopped and stared up at the now towering form in front of him. "I am still the Sixth, and I am free to do as I please."

"Funny," Nnoitra´s voice was oily as he bent low and peered at Grimmjow. "That's not the way I understood it. In fact I heard that Aizen himself put Ulquiorra in charge of you. I guess even he doesn't trust your ability to stay out of trouble."

"If you want trouble, I'll give you trouble," Grimmjow stood tall, his hands once more clenched into tight fists at his sides.

"And how do you plan to do that," the Fifth laughed, "You're so tiny you can't even carry your zanpakuto without it dragging on the ground." The man nodded towards Grimmjow's back where Ulquiorra had fixed his katana by adjusting the sheath so that the Sixth could manage it without falling over. "Of course you were never much of a threat before, so why now, in this ridiculous form, would you be any different."

"Fuck you asshole," Grimmjow yelled as he reached back to grabbed the hilt of Pantera.

"Such hostility," Nnoitra knelt down on one knee so that he was now eye level with the Sixth. "Though it must be frustrating, being so small and insignificant, knowing it's only a matter of time before Aizen strips you of your rank again."

"I am just as strong as before," he lowered his hand and made a fist instead.

Nnoitra laughed even louder, and reaching out, shoved the child causing Grimmjow to fall back on his ass. "I suppose you are just the same, still weak and pathetic. Really, Aizen should get rid of you once and for all. You have always been an annoying prick – more so now."

Grimmjow jumped up and swung at the tall man. Nnoitra stood and backed up and the boy tripped over his feet as his momentum caused him to fall once more. Nnoitra laughed hard as a crowd of lesser arrancars began to form, curious to see what was going on.

It was at that moment that Ulquiorra found them and having had enough, walked back over to the boy and grabbed his hand, lifting him to his feet and dragging him from the area.

"Let me go Ulquiorra," Grimmjow yelled, kicking the whole way as he struggled to free himself.

"The Fifth is not worth your time," he said coldly, "Besides you are only creating a scene, which only serves to give the others more ammunition to ridicule you, and I for one have had enough of being mocked for one day."

"I can take him," Grimmjow grew even angrier. He tried to pry Ulquiorra's hands from his wrist, but it was no use.

"As you are right now, and in the state you are in, you would be no match for anyone present."

Grimmjow screamed in frustration as he dug his feet in and fought with all his might to free himself.

"Better listen to your mommy, Grimmjow," Nnoitra taunted from several feet away. The arrancars in the crowd laughed as well. "Just run along and get your blankie and maybe some warm milk, and then you can settle down for a nap…"

"Shut the fuck up you…"

Grimmjow continued on cursing, but Ulquiorra was no longer listening. He had lifted the girl so that she rested on his hip, and picked up speed. Grimmjow finally gave up his fight and his foul language, as he struggled just to keep up.

When they finally came to an empty room, several stories in height, Ulquiorra released the boy, flinging his wrist and sending Grimmjow several feet through the air before he hit the floor. The Sixth's small body slid the rest of the way until he slammed up against the far wall.

Rising to his feet, a murderous gleam in his eyes, Grimmjow powered up and fired a cero in Ulquiorra's direction. The Fourth turned his body so as to shield the girl still in his arms, and held up his free hand to deflect the cero.

"Damn it!" Grimmjow screamed as he began to charge at Ulquiorra. The Fourth lowered Orihime to the floor and instructed her to run. She took off for the doorway and Ulquiorra gave his full attention back to the angry boy.

"Why the fuck did you do that?" Grimmjow yelled as he quickly closed the distance between them, "That bastard deserved his ass handed to him…"

"And you are in no condition to do so," was Ulquiorra's blunt reply.

Grimmjow leapt into the air, his hands curled into fists as he came down, punching at Ulquiorra. The Fourth pushed his open palm into the boy's chest and sent Grimmjow flying back. Not deterred in the least, he rose to his feet again; his fists raised and ready to fight.

"Haven't you had enough?" Grimmjow could hear the irritation in the other Espada's voice, which only served to fuel his rage even more.

"I haven't even started," Grimmjow replied.

He came at Ulquiorra again and again, and each time the Fourth pushed him aside with little effort. Now bloody and sweaty, Grimmjow looked up at Ulquiorra. His breathing was heavy, but his eyes still head determination.

"I am not weak," he growled.

"You will never be stronger than me," Ulquiorra replied honestly, "Even as an adult. And picking a fight with Nnoitra was foolish as well."

"I will not let Aizen take my rank from me," he stood tall, but the frustration was evident in his gaze.

"He has said no such thing," Ulquiorra reminded him. "He said he would wait for the time being for the antidote. As long as the girl's friends do not come to Hueco Mundo, your ranking is not significant."

"It is to me," he lowered himself to the ground and rested his forehead in his hands. It was impossible to keep the disappointment from his voice, "I've worked hard to get where I am. I don't need this shit to mess things up."

Ulquiorra walked over to where the boy sat.

"Then stop drawing attention to yourself."

"But Nnoitra was being an ass."

"He is always an ass," Ulquiorra stated. "You should have just ignored him."

"But you're stronger than him," Grimmjow looked up. "Why do you always let him talk to you like that?"

"Because the man is an idiot," Ulquiorra spoke evenly, "Responding to him would only give him power over me."

"Yeah but knocking his head in would show your power even better."

"I do not need to resort to such tactics and neither should you," Ulquiorra sat down beside him. "Nnoitra may not be as strong as me, but he is still a threat because he does not play fair. He will do whatever he has to do to ensure his rank. You would be wise to remember that."

Grimmjow stared off at the far wall as he thought about what Ulquiorra said, so he missed the tiny form of Orihime as she walked back over and sat down beside him. It wasn't until she reached out and rubbed his back that he turned his angry glare her way.

"What are you doing?" his voice rose again.

"I just wanted to make you feel better," she smiled hesitantly. "When I was bullied at school, my friend Tatsuki defended me and made me feel better." She glanced to Ulquiorra and her smile grew, "You are lucky to have Ulquiorra-sama as your friend."

Grimmjow laughed at the ridiculousness of her statement. "This stoic, know-it-all is not my friend you idiot. If I could, I would kill him and be done with all this aggravation."

Her voice lowered, "You don't mean that. Ulquiorra-sama is kind…when he wants to be…"

"Which would be never," Grimmjow stood abruptly and looked down at the Fourth. "Tell her she's full of shit."

Ulquiorra only stood as well, and placing his hands in his pockets, began to walk towards the exit.

"Come on Ulquiorra," Grimmjow shouted. "Tell her you would kill me in a heartbeat…if you had a heart…which you don't you cold bastard…"

Ulquiorra never slowed his pace, nor did he acknowledge that he had even heard the Sixth's ranting. Orihime stood too and rushed to catch up with the Fourth. Tugging at his arm to get his attention she said something low, so that Grimmjow couldn't hear. Yet whatever it was, the Espada paused, just a fraction before continuing once more. Grimmjow stared stunned and then regaining his bearings, ran to catch up to the two.

"Tell me what she said," he demanded when he came to Ulquiorra's side.

The Fourth remained silent.

"Come on," Grimmjow began to whine, "She's making fun of me isn't she?'

Ulquiorra stopped and looked down at the boy.

"This may surprise you Grimmjow," his voice was cool, "But it is not always about you. This world, our existence, does not hinge upon your happiness or desires."

"What the fuck does that mean?"

"That you're selfish," Orihime peeked from Around Ulquiorra's other side.

"Selfish."

"Yes, Grimmjow," her eyes narrowed and her smile disappeared. "You are selfish-and a nosy busy-body."

"What the hell does that even mean," he drew within inches of her face as he tried to intimidate her.

"The present on the table was for me," she explained as if that would suddenly shed light on the topic.

"So what."

"So," she rolled her eyes at him, "you came in my room. You opened the box -a box that was put there for me. Most likely you were not supposed to be poisoned. You just butted in and got caught."

"You are saying this is all my fault," he growled. "Szayel is not to blame in the least for making my life hell and turning this into a joke…"

"If Szayel is teasing anybody it would be Ulquiorra," she stated matter-of-factly.

Grimmjow only cocked his head and stared at her as if she were speaking another language.

"In Aizen's throne room, duh!" she opened her eyes wide, and shook her head. He remained confused. "And you think I am a stupid human."

"You are," he leaned back and crossed his arms.

"No, you are the idiot," she closed the distance he created and tapped his chest with her finger. "You were so busy being angry, and Ulquiorra-sama was looking at Aizen, but I was watching Szayel, and he was clearly watching Ulquiorra."

"He was not," Grimmjow yelled.

"He was secret about it," Orihime shouted as well. "Not everybody has to be as loud as you, and Szayel was secretly staring at Ulquiorra."

"Maybe he's hot for him," he blew her off.

Her cheeks turned red and she stammered, "He is not…he was not looking at him like that…and…and…you are such a stupid head."

"A stupid head?"

"Yes a selfish, stupid head, but a stupid head all the same."

"At least I'm not a whiny crybaby," he shot back.

"I am not a crybaby."

"Crybaby. Crybaby. Crybaby."

Her face turned red and a smile formed on his lips as he waited for the tears to start and prove his point, but she didn't cry. Instead she kicked him hard in the shin.

"Damn it you stupid bitch. That hurt."

Grimmjow reared back and was about to punch her when Ulquiorra stood between them, one hand planted on each child's head.

"Enough," he shot each of them a look meant to intimidate them. It brought about the desired result in the girl, but Grimmjow refused to back down. Ulquiorra stared at him harder and said, "You are not to lay a hand on her."

"Oh, but she can kick me all she wants?" he shot back.

"You are an Espada. She is but a lowly human…"

"That's not nice," Orihime whined.

Ulquiorra turned his icy stare her way and she backed up a bit.

"It is the truth girl," he stated.

She lowered her gaze, but her arms crossed angrily in front of her chest, indicated that she was only containing her temper.

"Now," Ulquiorra dismissed her and gave his attention back to Grimmjow, "Act like an adult and I will treat you as such. But if you insist on behaving as you are, I will have no choice but to treat you as a child."

"I am not acting like a child," he stomped his foot.

Ulquiorra only raised an eyebrow and turned back to Orihime. Taking her hand back in his he said, "Your lunch should be ready."

He headed out of the room ignoring Grimmjow who was now sulking. He may be stuck in this body for the time being but he was not a child. Once more he stomped his foot.

"You can be such an asshole Ulquiorra," he yelled at the Fourth's retreating form. "And if that girl kicks me again, I sure as hell am going to kick her back."

Ulquiorra ignored him, but Orihime turned around again, her tongue sticking out. He let out a furious yell, but it only fell on deaf ears. The Espada and his charge disappeared around the corner. Without an audience he stopped. Mumbling to himself, he slowly made his way down the hall. He hated relying on Ulquiorra for help, but he hated more the fact that at the present moment the Espada was the only one on his side - if he could really even call it that.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7 ~ **_Some day you'll thank me for this._

Ulquiorra was never one to back down from a fight, but even he had to admit that the two children in his care were wearing him down. They required constant supervision, or they would kill each other. Attending to his personal needs was almost impossible, and he couldn't remember the last time he had enjoyed silence. Yet he knew that if he did not get a break from them, even if only for a hot soak in the tub, he would eventually lose his self control and kill them both himself.

This was why he now stood in the immense hall of pillars that Cirucci Sanderwicci liked to prowl. It had taken some cajoling on his part, but the bitchy Privaron Espada had agreed to take the two children off his hands for a few hours. It would seem the chance to make fun of the Sixth in his current condition was too appealing for her to pass up.

"I cannot believe you are going to leave us in her care," Grimmjow complained as Cirucci stood glowering at him from atop one of the many pillars that populated the room. "Couldn't you find a nest of adjuchas to drop us into for an hour or so?"

"Still a cocky little smart-ass I see," Cirucci jumped down and landed a few feet from where the Sixth stood. "Ulquiorra may put up with your foul temperament, but I am not as tolerant. Kids just piss me off, especially whiny, disrespectful brats like you."

Ulquiorra stepped between the two and said calmly, "You are not to kill them or inflict any bodily harm that will not heal naturally over the course of a few days."

"Are you fucking serious?" Grimmjow grabbed Ulquiorra's sleeve and forced him to face him. "You are going to leave us with such irresponsible instructions?"

"Afraid of little old me," Cirucci teased.

"You're an insane bitch," Grimmjow replied. "I would be an idiot not to worry."

"You said it, not me," she purred.

Grimmjow crossed his arms in front of his chest and glared at the woman. Ulquiorra turned to leave.

"Aizen won't like this," Grimmjow yelled after him.

He ignored the child. His freedom was just minutes away, and the risk that the woman would kill them was worth a few minutes of peace and quiet.

* * *

"This place is cool," Orihime spoke as soon as Ulquiorra had left them.

"Our guardian has placed us in the care of a lunatic and all you can say is that this place is cool?" Grimmjow turned and looked incredulously at the idiot human.

"We could play a wicked came of hide and seek," she smiled enthusiastically.

"I can sense your spiritual pressure moron," he rolled his eyes. "It would be a pointless waste of time."

She furrowed her brows and tapped her finger against her lips, "True, I hadn't thought of that." She thought a moment more and asked, "How about tag."

"One word," he grew even more annoyed, "Sonido."

"Oh," her eyes fell and she kicked the ground at her feet as she tried to come up with something else.

Cirucci began to laugh, or more like cackle – the nasty witch. Grimmjow hated her when he was in adult form. Now having her responsible for him was intolerable, let alone insulting.

"Ulquiorra is a fucking asshole," he stated to no one in particular.

"Really child," Cirucci spoke, "Someone should wash your mouth out with soap."

"I'd like to see you try," he shot back.

"Oh I believe I could take you easily, shrimp," she narrowed her eyes and bent down, her face inches from his.

"Try it," he taunted.

She stood up and paused. Turning she glanced at Orihime and then back at him, a wicked gleam now in her eyes.

"I know a fun game," she said sweetly. "It's called dodge ball."

"Dodge ball," he said with no emotion.

"Yes," she grasped the handle of her zanpakuto, "I attack you using Golondrina, and you two run for your lives."

"Fuck that shit," he spat.

"Oh, I'm not giving you a choice," she laughed as she leapt back up to the top of a nearby pillar, "This is my turf, my game, and my rules. Now, being that I am a kind woman, I will give you both a running start."

"Damn it," Grimmjow turned and grabbed Orihime's hand. "Come on stupid. She's serious."

He pulled the girl behind him as they put as much distance between themselves and Cirucci. He could still hear the loon laughing from her perch on top of one of the columns.

"I am going to strangle Ulquiorra," he panted.

"Times up," Cirucci called out.

Behind them a column exploded. Chunks of stone began to shower down on them and he put up his arms instinctively to protect himself, but almost instantly a golden shield sprang about them.

"Oh my," Orihime smiled relieved, "I'm glad that worked."

"You can shield yourself from attacks?" he turned to her.

"Yes," she replied with pride. "I can reject events, attack if necessary, and shield myself or others if I need to."

He began to grin as a plan came to mind.

"Look," he placed a hand on her shoulder and stared into her eyes. "You kept that shit from falling on us, and I'll deal with attacking that bitch."

She smiled and gave him a thumbs up. Above them the shield began to crack.

"Okay, get ready to run," he peered about for another escape route.

They took off again, now managing to dodge most of the Privaron's attacks. Every so often they took a slight hit, and after almost an hour they were both sweating profusely. Blood mixed with dust from the exploding pillars caked their skin, but they were still alive.

Grimmjow though, didn't mind. His smile spanned from ear to ear, and when he caught sight of Orihime she was grinning with excitement as well. Damn, for all his reluctance earlier, this was the most fun he had had since this whole ordeal began. And then way too soon Cirucci stopped.

"The nanny's back," she yelled down to them.

"Damn," Grimmjow looked to Orihime.

She smiled at him and said breathlessly, "We made a good team."

He laughed, "Who would have guessed."

She laughed as well.

"You know," he began, "We should work together more often. I'm sure there's a lot of trouble we could get into and out of if we look for it."

She nodded as Ulquiorra approached. The Fourth stopped and looked down at them with annoyance.

"I suppose you will both require a bath," he said as he bent down and ran his hands lightly over Orihime's arms. "You are unharmed?"

Grimmjow could have sworn he saw genuine concern in the Espada's eyes, but that was impossible. More like fear that Aizen would have his head on a platter if the woman was harmed.

"That was a stupid idea," Grimmjow spoke. "That crazy bitch almost killed us."

"But you held your own," Ulquiorra stood.

"Yeah, but that's beside the point."

"You are the Sixth," Ulquiorra turned his attention on Grimmjow. "I had confidence you could handle yourself and protect the girl."

Grimmjow stood speechless. Was that a compliment? From the Fourth nonetheless. He was unaware as the smile spread across his face. Beside him Orihime grabbed his hand. He looked down at her ready to pull back, but decided against it when he saw the appreciation in her eyes.

"Stupid human," he said softly.

She giggled and squeezed his hand.

"My brave kitty," she replied.

"Geez," he groaned. "For the last time – I am a panther."

She laughed, but he found he didn't mind. Life had been rather lonesome since the loss of his fraccion. Maybe it was time to recruit a new member. Besides, together they may just be able to bring Las Noches to its knees.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight**_ ~ You better wipe that smile off you face before I do it for you._

"I've never seen someone sleep so soundly before," Orihime whispered as she ran the feather lightly under the tip of the Espada's nose. The man quickly swatted at it and then rolled over giving the little girl his back.

"Starrk can be a real lazy ass," Lilynette remarked rather loudly. "And you don't have to whisper; he can sleep through anything."

"So what do you suggest we do?" Grimmjow looked to Orihime.

"Well," she scratched her head as she thought. Turning to Lilynette she said, "There's always the hand in warm water trick."

"Hand in warm water?" Grimmjow gazed down at Starrk; the sleeping Espada still oblivious to the plotting of the three children.

"Yes," Orihime nodded. "You place the hand of a sleeping person in warm water and they should pee their pants…eventually."

"Eventually," Lilynette stated.

"Have you ever tried it?" Grimmjow stared back at her, "Because it sounds like a load of shit."

"Well I haven't tried it personally…"

"Then come up with something else," the Espada grumbled.

"Okay," Orihime closed her eyes tight and thought again. Suddenly she sat up taller as her eyes flew open, and she exclaimed, "I got one!"

"Well, tell us," Grimmjow gave her a light shove.

"Don't hit me," Orihime whined.

"That wasn't a hit," he reared back and prepared to strike with more force when Lilynette grabbed his wrist.

"Cut the crap shrimp," she tightened the grip on his arm, "And let the girl talk."

He glared at the blonde and she gave back an equally lethal look.

"Okay then," Orihime started, "When I was at a slumber party once, my friends put saran wrap across the toilet bowl, and when one of the girls got up to pee, she didn't see the wrap and her pee splashed all over her."

"And that's supposed to be funny?" Grimmjow crossed his arms.

"It's a prank," Orihime lowered her eyes as her confidence faded; "It's like a gotcha, not as much a hee-hee."

He looked at her clearly confused, "You aren't making sense."

She looked back up and sighed, then her eyes lowered to his crotch and she blushed, "Oh, well with boys I guess it wouldn't work anyways."

"Why's that?" Lilynette spoke.

"Because they have pee-pees," she replied as if that explained everything.

"What the hell is she talking about?" The blonde turned to Grimmjow.

"Penis," he yelled and glared at Orihime. "It's a fucking penis. Call it that."

Orihime blushed furiously.

"Fine," she stammered. "Boys have penises and their pee wouldn't get all over them because they stand, not sit. Of course," she stared back at Grimmjow, "Some boys can't hit the bowl anyways, so the prank wouldn't work."

"What's that supposed to mean," he leaned in towards her.

"Just what I said," she now crossed her arms, "You get your pee everywhere but the toilet. Of course you may just be marking your territory…cats are like that…"

"Shut the fuck up," Grimmjow yelled. Beside him Starrk snorted and the three children all stilled. The adult Espada rolled over onto his back and grew quiet. Grimmjow lowered his voice, "My penis is not quite what it used to be. It makes it harder to aim."

"Then try to concentrate a little more."

"Like you're really focused," he looked to Lilynette, "She sits in there and sings. She's got a fucking song for everything, even taking a crap."

"We are not talking about pooping," Orihime said, "And if you ate a little more fruit you wouldn't be so cranky. Being regular is important to one's disposition."

"Do you see what I am forced to live with?"

"Personally I'm gonna kill both of you," Lilynette's face grew red and she clenched her fists tightly, "How the hell Ulquiorra puts up with such sniveling, nonsensical bullshit all the time…"

"Ulquiorra-kun likes to make us stand in the corner a lot," Orihime lowered her voice.

Lilynette began to laugh and clutching her sides pointed a finger at Grimmjow, "He makes you stand in the corner?"

Grimmjow clenched his jaw and his eyes narrowed. Lilynette continued to laugh, now rolling about on the floor.

"Okay," Grimmjow yelled, "Ulquiorra is a douche. Now," he turned to Orihime, "Do you have anything else? If not I am leaving. I got a meeting to get to."

Orihime looked to Lilynette, who was back sitting up, and now wiping the tears from her eyes.

"Do you have something like a permanent marker?"

"Never heard of it," the blonde replied.

"It's a pen, but the ink doesn't come off easily. We could draw funny things on his face and when he wakes up he won't even know we did it, and then when he goes out people will laugh and he won't know why, and then he won't be able to wash it off…"

"Yeah, okay shut up already," Grimmjow interrupted. "We get the idea."

"Really Grimm," Orihime shot him a glare, "Fruits and vegetables…you'll feel much less grouchy."

He growled, but Lilynette simply punched him in the shoulder. "Get over yourself," she stated and looked at Orihime, "How about makeup?"

"You have makeup?" Orihime's eyes grew wide.

Lilynette waved her off as she stood, "That bitch Charlotte Chuhlhourne is always trying to get me to be more ladylike."

"I thought Charlotte was a guy," Orihime cocked her head slightly.

Grimmjow only laughed and Lilynette disappeared into another room. When she returned she had a sack containing various tubes and bottles. Sitting down beside Orihime she opened the bag and spread the contents on the floor. "Shall we begin?"

* * *

Ulquiorra checked in on the children before heading to the Espada meeting. Both sat on the couch with angelic smiles on their faces. A sense of unease crept into his being and he asked, "What have you two been up to?"

"Nothing," they answered in unison.

The unease grew, but he pushed it down.

"Let's go Jaegerjaquez," he spoke low as he turned to the door.

Grimmjow hopped off the couch and almost ran to his side.

"Can't I come?" Orihime's tiny voice came from the couch.

"It's Espadas only," Grimmjow stuck out his tongue.

Ulquiorra narrowed his eyes at the boy. Over the past few days it seemed that the Sixth was becoming more and more childish, and he feared that he would have even more headaches if Szayel did not remedy the situation soon.

"Please Ulquiorra-kun," Orihime spoke sweetly.

"Grimmjow is right," he replied. "The meeting is for Espadas only."

She crossed her arms and stuck out her bottom lip. Tears began to fall from her eyes as her lip began to tremble.

Ulquiorra sighed, "If you remain here quietly, I will see to it that the cook makes a sweet dessert for you tonight."

"Really?" she perked up and clapped her hands.

"You are such a pussy," Grimmjow remarked as he passed him by.

Ulquiorra gave no reply. Honestly he had had enough of the pouting for a lifetime. If sweets shut her up, then it was worth it. He closed the door behind him and began to walk at his usual brisk pace to the meeting room. Grimmjow ran to keep up; a playful smile on his face. Once more Ulquiorra felt the unease, but tried to ignore it.

They entered the room and Grimmjow went to his usual chair. Climbing up the boy sat; his face barely visible over the table top.

"Need a booster seat Grimmjow?" Nnoitra snickered and the Sixth grew red with fury.

"Shut the fuck up, you stinking piece of shit," the child yelled. He shifted his position and sat on his knees. The change worked, but Ulquiorra noticed the boy continued to wiggle about restlessly.

"You know Ulquiorra," Nnoitra spoke in an exaggerated whisper, "You really should teach the kid some manners. His behavior reflects poorly on you."

Ulquiorra ignored the Fifth.

"Just trying to be helpful," Nnoitra teased, "It's funny though. I always pictured you to be a no-nonsense kind of person. But your parenting skills are almost as permissive as Tier…"

His words died on his lips as Starrk entered the meeting and sat down. The man yawned loudly and all eyes turned his way.

"What the fuck," Nnoitra whispered, but across the table Grimmjow began to snicker loudly.

No one said a word, and Starrk met their stares with confusion.

"You look well rested," Grimmjow spoke, and then put his hand over his mouth to stifle his laughter.

The First looked at the boy even more confused.

"Starrk," Tier began, but Aizen entered the room and she stopped.

The Shinigami looked around the table and his gaze finally rested on his highest ranking Espada. He remained silent; his eyebrow twitched minutely, and Grimmjow lost it. The child began to laugh so hard he fell out of his seat. Everyone stared across the table waiting for the child to reposition himself. Finally he stood up, but his eyes were wet with tears and he had to clutch his sides to stop the laughter.

"Well," Aizen began, ignoring the child. "I see we are all here."

Grimmjow sat down again as Aizen began to speak. He avoided looking at Starrk or Aizen, and Ulquiorra wondered if he would be able to hold himself together for the entire meeting. It was only a few minutes in that the Sixth began to squirm. His fingers began to tap a rhythm on the table top and he bounced about as he tried to squelch his growing boredom.

Aizen suddenly grew silent; his reiatsu intensifying as he stared at Grimmjow. The boy stilled and looked back at the Shinigami. He then quickly averted his eyes and still his hands. Yet as soon as Aizen began to speak, Grimmjow started tapping.

"Do you need to be excused Grimmjow," Aizen's voice was calm and serene as usual, but his eyes spoke of his growing impatience.

"Nope," the boy replied.

"Then control yourself."

Grimmjow nodded and Aizen continued speaking. The boy sat still, but his eyes met Gin's. The former Shinigami captain made a kissing motion towards Starrk, and suddenly the child snorted loudly and began to laugh again. Aizen's reiatsu ceased the child's laughter as Grimmjow fell forward, now gasping for air.

"Ulquiorra," Aizen's voice was firm, "Your charge is becoming rather unruly."

"I apologize Aizen-sama," Ulquiorra spoke low.

"Maybe a firmer hand with the discipline."

"If that is what you desire," he replied as he stared at Grimmjow. The child gasped as his lips began to turn blue. He wondered if the Shinigami would ever release the boy.

"Take him back to the girl's quarters and teach him a lesson," Aizen released Grimmjow and the boy sucked in a loud breath. "And Starrk," Aizen looked at the Espada, "Go wash your face."

The First looked again with confusion.

"You are all dismissed," Aizen sat down and reached for his tea.

The Espada filed out. Ulquiorra had a tight hold on Grimmjow's collar. He walked quietly down the hallway until they came to Orihime's room. Opening the door he shoved the boy towards the corner.

"Go!" he demanded.

Grimmjow glared at him, but reluctantly went. He turned to Orihime.

"Forget about dessert."

She let out a loud wail.

Sitting down, he placed his head in his hands. It would seem he could not leave the two alone for one minute without them getting into trouble. Somehow he would have to get Grimmjow back for this. Yet physically punishing the child would not do. It needed to be a lesson that would leave a lasting impression. By the time Orihime had stopped her crying, and Grimmjow's cursing had turned to angry mumbles, he had a plan.


	9. Chapter 9

_I do not own Bleach or any of its characters._

* * *

**Chapter Nine** ~ _Someday you'll thank me for this._

Ulquiorra led the two children through the halls of Las Noches. Orihime skipped merrily at his side, a song on her lips, while Grimmjow stomped his feet rather loudly and complained the entire way to their destination.

"The last time you left us in the care of a woman, we were almost killed," he complained.

"Maybe one woman was not enough to handle you," Ulquiorra spoke evenly. He came to the door to Tier Harribel's quarters, and knocked, "But three should have better odds of controlling you."

The boy's eyes grew wide and Ulquiorra resisted the desire to smile in satisfaction.

"You can't possibly mean to leave us with Harribel's fraccion," he stepped back. "Those crazy bitches make Cirucci seem sane."

Just then the door opened and a demure woman with long hair stood before them. Eying Grimmjow she said to Ulquiorra, "I had heard he was an unruly little brat. It would seem the rumors were true."

"I have faith that you three will be able to watch him while I am away without any incidents," Ulquiorra replied.

"Fuck no," Grimmjow backed away. "You have no idea how unstable these three are."

"Unstable," a short-haired woman opened the door wider. "You're the little shit who couldn't follow orders from Aizen and lost your rank to that pretty boy Luppi."

Grimmjow stiffened and crossed the distance quickly. Getting in Apacci's face he yelled, "That was Tosen's fault…"

"Always blaming others for one's mistakes," Mila Rose appeared behind her teammates. "Isn't it time you grew up a little Grimmjow."

"I'd say the little prick has a lot of growing to do," Apacci taunted.

Grimmjow lashed out, intending to punch her, when Ulquiorra stepped in and grabbed his wrist.

"I expect you to control yourself," he spoke low.

"Yeah," Apacci continued, "Good babysitters are getting harder to find around here."

The three women laughed and Grimmjow let out an angry howl.

"I do not need a babysitter," he screamed, which only made Mila Rose and Apacci laugh louder. Sung-Sun only smiled knowingly, and turned her attention to Orihime.

"And look at this sweet little child here," she stepped closer to the girl. Reaching out she ran a lock of Orihime's hair through her fingers, "And such beautiful hair. It's obvious though that the men around her do not know the first thing about caring for a woman's needs. Her hair is so dry and brittle."

Orihime nodded, "Ulquiorra-sama uses the same shampoo for me as he uses for Grimmjow."

"Well there's your problem," Apacci spoke again, "The wild animal here probably requires something to kill the fleas…"

"Shut the fuck up bitch," Grimmjow struggled in Ulquiorra's grasp.

"What a shame," Tier walked up to stand behind her fraccion. "After all the lessons you have been subjected to, you still have yet to learn any self control."

"I don't need anybody telling me what to do," Grimmjow yelled again.

"Apparently you do," she spoke softly and then looked to Ulquiorra. "Are you ready to go?"

Ulquiorra gave a brisk nod, but Grimmjow protested, "No way. No fucking way are you leaving me with these three lunatics."

Ulquiorra released the boy and pushed his way towards the door, "Someone needs to keep an eye on you while I perform my other duties to Aizen-sama."

"Let me go with you," Grimmjow pleaded. "I'm still strong…"

"I do not require your services for this mission," Ulquiorra untangled himself from the child who was now clinging to him, refusing to budge.

"I'm not going…"

"But they seem very nice," Orihime spoke up.

"Yeah to an idiot like you they would," Grimmjow snapped and Orihime's gaze dropped.

Milo Rose reached out and smacked the boy upside the head, "You should learn to treat a woman with a little more respect."

"Well when I see one…"

His words died on his lips as the tall, dark-skinned woman clamped a hand over his mouth and pulled him into the room.

"Wrong thing to say Jaegerjaquez," Apacci laughed as she followed.

Sung-Sun led Orihime inside, "I have some wonderful shampoo and conditioner that will bring that hair back to life."

Ulquiorra faced Tier as the door shut behind her fraccion.

"You do not think they will do anything too rash do you?" he asked, though secretly hoping they would torture the boy into silence, if only for a few hours or so.

"Grimmjow will get what he deserves," she replied. "Lessons such as these can be painful, but necessary." She began to walk and Ulquiorra followed. "Discipline is a funny thing, but I find the punishment should fit the crime or the lesson is lost." She eyed Ulquiorra, "I am relieved to see that you are not taking the heavy-handed advice of some of our comrades."

"It would never work on someone like him," Ulquiorra replied. Tier nodded and they walked along in silence. "I can have some tea brought to my quarters."

She nodded again, "I have not had a quiet afternoon for a long time."

"I completely understand," Ulquiorra replied.

* * *

Sung-Sun sat with Orihime standing before her. She ran the comb through the girl's now silky hair while Orihime sighed contentedly. At least one of them was enjoying their time in this hellhole, but then he would expect that from her. He on the other hand was being subjected to horror after horror. For Mila Rose it was about payback, and Apacci simply enjoyed the chance to torture him.

"You know," Sung-Sun paused in her ministrations to Orihime's hair and stared over at Grimmjow who was pacing the room looking for a way to escape. "He really is quite pretty when he's not frowning."

Apacci snickered and Mila Rose sighed.

"Boys cannot be pretty," Orihime interrupted sweetly, "Ulquiorra said so. He said Grimmjow is handsome, but he can't be pretty."

"So you and the Fourth got something going on little man?" Apacci laughed. "Maybe that's why he never came back for more Mila Rose."

The dark-skinned woman gave her comrade a piercing stare while Sung-Sun admonished, "Honestly Apacci do you have to be so rude."

"You started it," the hot tempered woman shouted, "Besides Mila Rose should have known better than to get caught up with someone like him. She deserves to be ridiculed."

"Mila Rose and Grimmjow were boyfriend and girlfriend?" Orihime looked to the boy.

"I was drunk," both Arrancars replied simultaneously. Apacci laughed, while Mila Rose looked away. Grimmjow turned and glared at Orihime.

"It gets boring around here," he stated.

"Ain't that the truth," Apacci said. "In fact I'm pretty bored right now." She looked to Mila Rose. "How about we have some fun with "pretty boy" here?"

Mila Rose eyed Grimmjow and a small smile lit her face. "We could play beauty parlor."

Orihime clapped her hands together and said, "That would be fun."

"Yes it would be," Apacci laughed. "And I hear Grimmjow likes to play with makeup."

"Who told you that?" he yelled.

"Lilynette," Sung-Sun spoke up. "She said you thoroughly enjoyed playing with her stash the other day."

"Bullshit," he stomped his foot, "I was just messing with Starrk. Besides it was her idea," he pointed to Orihime.

She smiled sweetly and said, "But you wanted to prank someone. I just provided the ideas."

"Traitor," he hissed.

"Oh come on Grimmjow," Apacci laughed, "You'd look good with some color - maybe something to bring out the blue of your eyes – besides these silly tattoos."

"Stay away from me bitch," he backed away.

Mila Rose grabbed him from behind and held him firmly in place. "Go get your stuff," she nodded to Sung-Sun. "He's not going anywhere."

"Ah come on Mila Rose," Grimmjow bucked and squirmed as he tried to break free of her grasp. "I thought we agreed it was a mistake."

Her hands tightened painfully.

"I mean we were both looking to relieve some stress…"

Her nails dug into his flesh.

"Damn it, that hurts."

"Not as much as a broken heart," Apacci walked over and stared down at him.

"My heart was not broken," Mila Rose stated.

"More like her pride," Sung-Sun spoke as she re-entered the room, makeup bag in hand. "Now about that eye shadow…"

"Get away from me," Grimmjow struggled in vain.

"Oh the blue would make his eyes pop," Orihime approached the three Numeros. Looking at Sung-Sun she asked, "Can you do my eyes as well?"

"Of course sweetie," she purred, "Right after I finish with him."

Orihime smiled and stood back.

"Stupid human," Grimmjow yelled. "I thought you were on my side."

"Well," she shuffled her feet and twisted her hands, "Ulquiorra isn't always right. I still think you're pretty too, and your eyes would look nice with some blue accents and maybe some black mascara to emphasis your eyelashes."

"I will get you back," he was now held immobile against the rather large breasts of his captor.

Orihime smiled innocently, but the tongue she stuck out revealed that she was not as naive as she pretended to be.

* * *

Ulquiorra and Tier returned a few hours later, both well-rested and refreshed. When they opened the doors to the Third's quarters they were met with a smiling Orihime. Her hair was braided in a fancy twist that wrapped her brilliant auburn locks around her head; the remainder of the braid hanging down over her shoulder. Her lips were a soft pink and Ulquiorra detected a rather unnatural red on her cheeks.

"What is going on here," he asked as he knelt down in front of the child and gazed into her face.

"We played beauty parlor," Orihime squealed in delight.

"I see," he stated, "And where is Grimmjow?"

The Numeros parted and revealed his other charge. The boy wore a scowl, and beside him he heard Tier let out a low laugh.

Amazing.

He didn't know she could do such a thing, yet he was not one for such things either. Still it was growing increasing harder to hold back these days.

"You look quite…"

"Ridiculous," Ulquiorra finished for Tier as he stood and walked over to the boy.

"I hate you," Grimmjow spoke softly, but his anger was tangible in the air.

"This is my fault?"

"You left me with them on purpose," he crossed his arms and pouted.

"No shit squirt," Apacci laughed.

"Really Apacci," Sung-Sun chided, "Try and restrain yourself."

Orihime walked over to them and added, "He really does look quite pretty."

"I'm gonna kill you!" Grimmjow lunged for the girl but Ulquiorra stopped him.

"We should get back to the girl's chambers and clean you up."

"I am not leaving here like this," Grimmjow yelled.

"There is no other way…" Ulquiorra began but Grimmjow refused to budge.

"Clean me up here!"

"Mila Rose would be happy too," Apacci said with fake sincerity. "After all she's seen him naked before."

"Honestly Apacci," Sung-Sun was appalled.

"He will get cleaned up back in the girl's quarters," Ulquiorra grabbed Grimmjow and dragged him towards the door.

"Let me go," he screamed.

Ulquiorra paused, "If you continue like this you will only draw attention to yourself."

Grimmjow quickly shut up. The walk back to Orihime's room was quiet. When they entered her room and the door closed behind them Grimmjow repeated in a whisper, "I really do hate you."

"Your affection is of little consequence," Ulquiorra replied as he headed to the bath. "Your obedience though is. So do not shame me in such a way again."

"So this _was_ payback for Starrk," Grimmjow stalked after him.

Ulquiorra stopped and turned to the boy.

"I can think of many punishments far worse than this one if you continue to embarrass me," he lowered his voice. "There are many arrancars that would love to assist me in disciplining you."

Grimmjow shut up again. Ulquiorra resumed his pace. This time a small smile did grace his features. Payback was fun, he discovered. Secretly he looked forward to the next time the child pulled a stunt that required action.


	10. Chapter 10

_I do not own Bleach or any of its characters._

* * *

**Chapter Ten ~ **_You didn't learn that in THIS house!_

Grimmjow hated baths. Yet what he hated more was that pale bastard scrubbing all the make up off his face that those bitches had applied earlier. It was humiliating, which he figured was just what Ulquiorra was trying to do – humiliate him for what he did to Starrk, and consequently to him. His anger was a living beast just ready to pounce, and he knew who he was going to drown the minute he had a chance. He opened one eye as Ulquiorra finished removing the red stain from his lips, and glanced at the human girl as she frolicked merrily in the tub.

Aizen's orders be damned, he was going to kill the traitorous bitch for going along with Harribel's fraccion. She was supposed to be on his side, yet the girl didn't know the first thing about being a subordinate, but he was going to set her straight.

"That should do it," Ulquiorra stated as he reached for the bucket of warm water. Grimmjow closed his eyes again as the Fourth doused him for the final time. "Go soak."

Grimmjow stood and made his way over to where Orihime splashed about, a song on her lips as she pretended to be a mermaid. Fucking idiot human, he thought as he slid into the tub. She had her back to him and he seized his opportunity, reaching for her head, when Ulquiorra's hand gripped his painfully.

"You touch the girl and I will hand you over to Harribel's fraccion for good."

Grimmjow glared at the Fourth, no doubt in his mind that Ulquiorra would carry through on his promise, and sat down, sulking. His arms were crossed over his chest and his scowl was so severe that when Orihime finally turned around she began to laugh.

"Oh Grimmy you are so funny when you pout," she scooted closer and peered at him.

"Shut up bitch," he grumbled. "And I am not pouting. I am actually plotting to kill you."

This made her giggle, "You wouldn't kill me Grimmjow," she batted her eyelashes. "You like me too much."

"I hate you," he shouted, and then lowering his voice he added, "Traitor."

Her smile faded and her lips began to quiver.

"You don't mean that."

"I sure as hell do," he replied. "You were supposed to be on my side."

"But you did look pretty," she said softly.

"Guys cannot be pretty," he yelled again. "And you just get off on torturing me."

"No I don't," it was her turn to pout. "You just make it too easy sometimes."

"You owed me loyalty," he grumbled, "not them."

She bowed her head and he noticed tears splashing into the water beneath her face.

"Damn it," he lowered his voice. "You are such a big crybaby."

"Am not," she raised her head and splashed him in the face. "Take it back."

"You're fucking crying," he stated as he returned her splash with a more forceful one of his own.

She choked on the water, but once she had recovered she sent water back his way. Suddenly they were engaged in battle, and by the time Ulquiorra yelled to them to break it up, they were both laughing.

Beside the tub stood the Fourth, now drenched, lips downturned.

"Oh no Ulquiorra-kun," Orihime said sweetly, "Your clothes are all wet."

His eyes gleamed with a hint of malice that Grimmjow understood completely. Serves the bastard right, he thought, siding with the girl all the time.

"You should go change," Grimmjow suggested, hoping to seize the opportunity to pay Orihime back.

"And let you harm the girl," Ulquiorra stated, "I think not."

"Grimmjow won't hurt me," Orihime spoke up. "He just likes to threaten, but really he's just a little pussy cat."

Grimmjow growled at her and she smiled, but in that smile he saw sincerity. Her words were not a dig, for once. The idiot honestly believed she was safe with him.

Trust. That was something few people gave him. Not since his fraccion had he had anyone honestly believe in him, and he realized that it actually felt good to experience it again.

Suddenly his anger vanished and he sighed, "I won't hurt her Ulquiorra. Just go change."

He sat back and closed his eyes - conversation over. Ulquiorra stood silently for a moment and then Grimmjow sensed the other Espada leave. A smile graced his lips and he relaxed completely.

All was calm for a few moments and then he felt water again on his face. He opened his eye to see Orihime squeezing her hands together; a small stream of water shooting into the air. She giggled as the water hit him in the eye.

"Cut it out," he said.

She stopped for a moment, but it didn't take long before she started up again.

"I said cut it out," he growled.

"But it's fun," she replied.

"Fun."

Yes," she smiled, "Fun. You should try it."

He eyed her. It seemed simple enough. Putting his hands together and forming an air pocket, he gave a squeeze. Nothing happened so he tried again.

"This is stupid," he dropped his hands and sat back.

"Only because you can't do it," she teased as she sent water sailing into his face again.

He growled and lunged across the tub to drown her.

"You told Ulquiorra that you would be nice," she moved out of his way.

"But you're so annoying," he complained.

"You're just mad because I'm better at squirting than you."

"That's the stupidest thing you have ever said," he stood in front of her, eyes boring into hers.

Slowly she raised her hands from beneath the water and squirted another stream of water. This time the liquid sailed right through his hollow hole which was exposed only inches above the water line. This caused her to burst out laughing.

"Two points," she exclaimed.

"What does that mean?" he asked.

"In basketball," she began to explain, "When you get the basket through the net its worth two points."

He glared at her, "It was a lucky shot," he said, "Bet you can't do it again."

She squeezed her hands together and fired. The water hit the mark once more.

"That'll teach you to doubt me," she smiled.

"Yeah," he stepped back, "Easy to hit an unprotected target."

She aimed and he dodged the water. Soon they were scooting around the tub, her shooting and him avoiding. And when they had exhausted themselves they fell back against the rim, eyes closed, but huge smiles on their faces.

"Does it hurt," Orihime asked after her breathing had slowed.

"What?"

"Your hollow hole; does it hurt?"

He opened his eyes and stared at her.

"You ask the stupidest questions."

"There are no stupid questions," she said sweetly, "Only stupid people."

"I think we already concluded that you are stupid."

"I am ranked third in my class," she crossed her arms over her chest, "Which is much better than sixth." She stuck out her tongue.

"Amongst a bunch of weak humans," he sat forward, "It doesn't mean a thing."

"You always have to be better than me," she remarked as she pushed him back.

"I don't_ have_ to be," he replied and grinned, "I just am."

"Well Ulquiorra is better than you," she stated.

"That's because he's always kissing Aizen's ass," Grimmjow sat back.

This brought a giggle to her lips.

"What now?"

"Just imagining Ulquiorra kissing Aizen's butt," she said.

That caused him to smile as well. Imitating Ulquiorra he said, "Aizen-sama what a nice ass you have."

She laughed, "The better to sit on and lord over you with."

"Well that is part of my plan," he snickered, "To have the perfect ass to sit on my perfect throne."

"All hail Aizen-sama's perfect ass," Orihime began to laugh uncontrollably.

Grimmjow gave in as well, laughing until the tears began to stream down his face.

"And what is so funny," Ulquiorra suddenly stood in their midst, a new uniform replacing the wet one from earlier.

"Eek!" Orihime ducked under the water and Grimmjow choked on his laughter.

"Holy shit, you have impeccable timing," he finally said when he could talk.

"You two are plotting something again," Ulquiorra stated.

Orihime had resurfaced.

"No honestly Ulquiorra-kun," she replied in all seriousness. "We were only laughing at Aizen-sama's ass."

Ulquiorra cocked his head to the side. One eyebrow raised in question. Grimmjow sputtered and Orihime began to laugh harder than before.

"Aizen's ass," Grimmjow said.

"Perfect ass," she reminded him.

"I fail to see the humor in this," Ulquiorra reached for a towel.

"You fail to see the humor in anything," Grimmjow shot back.

Ulquiorra motioned for Orihime to come closer. Helping her from the tub he handed her the towel so she could dry off.

"You have yet to so anything that I would consider humorous," Ulquiorra replied.

"Starrk looked pretty hilarious," Grimmjow defended himself.

Ulquiorra let out a snort of disgust.

"Embarrass someone like Granz, and I may applaud your efforts."

Grimmjow stared in shock.

"Are you suggesting we prank Granz?"

"I would never in good conscience suggest such a thing," Ulquiorra replied. "Besides the narcissist would see anything you tried to do long before you could strike."

"I doubt it," Grimmjow got out of the tub and grabbed a dry towel.

Ulquiorra gave Orihime her nightgown so she could dress for bed.

"He just needs a taste of his own medicine," Ulquiorra said, his voice low, almost to the point of whispering.

Grimmjow stared again.

"You fucking sneak," he said.

"Excuse me?" Ulquiorra asked.

"You're giving us the okay to get Granz."

"If I were to be distracted temporarily…" Ulquiorra took the brush Orihime handed him and began to work the tangles from the girl's hair.

Grimmjow whispered. "You wouldn't retaliate against me?"

"Retaliate for what?" Ulquiorra replied,

Grimmjow smiled wide.

"Ulquiorra-kun has the bug," Orihime said as she turned to face the Fourth.

"The bug?" Ulquiorra asked.

"The prank bug. You got Grimmjow and now you want more."

"You are being foolish. I would never stoop to such measures," Ulquiorra tried to look appalled, but Grimmjow knew better.

"Just leave it all to me," the Sixth smiled.

"You do understand that if you were to be caught antagonizing any of the Espada, I would have to punish you."

"Yeah I get it," Grimmjow replied. The hidden message understood. Prank without getting caught. He smiled wide as they headed back to Orihime's chambers. He looked forward to wiping that smug smile off the Eighth's face once and for all.


End file.
